Being Aunt Debbie

Sticks and Stones and My Scattered Thoughts

2012-01-10T21:45:00.000-06:00

I have been called many things over the years. Do I care? No. I really don't care what people think of me. Ok, that's not entirely true. I want people to like me. I admit it. We all want to be liked, don't we? We all want people to accept us for who we are and appreciate what we have to say. So, yeah. I want people to like me. But here's the catch: If they DON'T like me, I am not going to change to make them happy. If they don't like me, their problem. I don't care. They probably aren't worth the grief they will bring into my life anyway.

I have been accused many times of being immature. Really? Is it because I laugh at myself daily? Is it because I'm unafraid to look like a dork in front of my kids or grand kids? Or is it just the ability to laugh....a lot.....at all the things that happen in life? I try to find humor in everyday things. It just makes life easier.

I think being mature is taking responsibility for your own actions and short-comings. I am a very responsible person. I am not a risk taker. I will not ever jeopardize someone else's safety. I try to be a good friend, sister, mother, daughter, grandmother, aunt. I try to help others when I can. I will give advice sometimes, sometimes unsolicited advice, but I'm usually trying to help find a solution to a problem. I will admit when I'm wrong but if I believe I'm right, I will stand my ground until someone proves me wrong. If these things make me immature, then so be it.

Some say I'm judgmental. Judgmental: Making judgements as to the value etc., often specifically judgments considered to be lacking in tolerance or objectivity. Aren't we all judgmental to a certain degree? I mean, how do you choose your friends? You make a simple judgment based on what you know about the person. You ask yourself, "Is this someone I want to be friends with?" I don't know about you, but I have no tolerance for drug addicts and criminals. They ruin other people's lives and think nothing of it. We all judge others. We all judged Casey Anthony for the murdering monster she is. I have no tolerance for baby killers. When a religious leader preaches against homosexuality and then he, himself, is caught in a homosexual situation, I want to climb the highest mountain and scream! I have no tolerance for hypocrites! What about the habitual liar, who lies so swiftly and competently that he actually believes his own lies? No tolerance. We all have an opinion of certain people, we all have first impressions, we ALL pass judgments. I don't think I am morally superior to anyone else. It's just that I, personally, prefer to keep only people in my life that won't cause me any more drama than need be!

Not too long ago, I was told that a certain person considered me to be 'stupid.' Well, let me just say to this certain person, I'm not stupid. I may not have a fancy degree and I really don't know much about politics or religion. I don't know anything about cars except how to drive it, fill it with gas, work all the gadgets inside and wash it. I don't have a legal mind, I'm not a math wiz, a carpenter or a doctor.... but I'm not stupid and I sure as heck know when you're lying to me! I don't say anything to your face but I still know you're lying! I choose not to say anything because I like that you think you've pulled the wool over my eyes!

Last year, I was told that I know nothing about relationships and that's why I'm alone. Uh. No. First, I'm single by choice. After a failed relationship with the father of my children, I chose to make my children my priority. After all, I was a single parent and I wanted my kids to grow up with a good, strong foundation. Second, I know enough about relationships to know what I want and what I don't want...and I sure wouldn't want the likes of some narcissistic jerk in my life...been there, done that.

My daughter use to tell me when she was a teenager that I was overprotective of her and her brother. Protective, yes. Overprotective, NO. I always knew where my kids were, what they were doing and who they were with. If they wanted to go to a friend's house I talked to the parents first. If they wanted to invite a friend over, I also talked to the parents. I wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. I wanted to make sure they had adult supervision at all times. I was involved in the kids' school activities and volunteered in their classrooms when I didn't have to work. I helped my kids with their homework. We went on picnics, to the zoo, museums and went on nature hikes. We spent a lot of time together. I taught them, fed them, nursed them when they were ill, read to them, played with them. I protected them. Isn't that what parents are suppose to do??

The one thing I have heard about me that I have to agree with, is that I complain a lot. Yeah. I do. I complain when it's too cold because it makes my arthritis pain worse. I complain when someone makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn't clean it up. (What am I? The maid?) I complain about the pipes breaking when it freezes and I can't take my morning shower. I complain when the phone rings before I even get up in the morning. I complain when something in the house needs to be repaired, which happens quite a lot these days. (Old house.) I complain when one of the cats nearly trips me. I guess I do complain a lot. It's something I must work on, I admit it. I will try and catch myself from complaining so much in the future. Instead I'll just laugh and make jokes so someone can accuse me of being immature!!

Lost In Sadness

2011-11-25T20:01:00.000-06:00

I've got a lot to say but these days, but it's difficult to put it in writing. My mind is on overdrive and I can't seem to concentrate.

My relationship with my daughter is strained, and I'm feeling....lost. How do you resolve an issue when the other person won't speak to you? Sad thoughts fill my head daily. In hindsight, I think things could have been handled differently. At the time though, it was the only thing to do. I was put in an awkward position and I had to make a decision. Now, it seems like I have lost my daughter and the relationship I was growing with my grand son, one of the most important little people in my life.....

An invitation to Thanksgiving dinner and the desire to put the past in the past was not enough. I sat and waited for a phone call, a text or any indication that peace could be made. Nothing. Disappointment. Sadness. The everlasting urge to cry lingers. Do I stop hoping? Do I give up? How can I?

I've not seen or heard from them in over 2 months. I tell myself to be patient, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. But is there? I guess I wait......

I'm Still Here....

2011-10-12T14:53:00.000-05:00

I had worried about having gallbladder surgery for the past month. I worried that something would go wrong. This inspired me to clean out closets, drawers, cabinets etc. I threw away a lot of crap that I had accumulated over the years. Such clutter. I didn’t want to leave such a mess for my family to have to deal with if something went wrong during surgery.

I had voiced my concerns with close friends and family. They all told me “Don’t worry,” “Everything’s going to be ok,” “You’re going to get through this,” “Nothing’s going to happen to you,” etc. Deep down I knew they were right but you just never know when something might go wrong. I wanted to have things in order just in case.

I wrote letters to my children, my Dad, my sisters and a few close friends. Letters to be opened only in case of my death or in the event that I couldn’t speak for myself. These letters were hard for me to write but I did it. I wanted them to know how important they are to me. I couldn’t assume they knew. Sometimes we get so busy with life, we tend to not say things we should and sometimes we say things we shouldn’t. I wanted the last words from me to them to be what was in the letters.

I also made lists of things like internet accounts, bank accounts, etc., so that my family would know what needed to be done and how. I made a list of certain belongings that I wanted my family members to have. I made a list of special requests if I end up in a nursing home. Yes. I did that.

I know, it sounds ridiculous now but I really was worried about leaving my family behind.

My Dad and my son accompanied me to the hospital and I kept it together quite well. I didn’t want them to see how scared I was. They were with me up until I was moved into surgical waiting.

The surgeon was about an hour behind. This led to even more stress and I could hardly wait for them to give me that sedative they had promised! When they did, I felt some relief, but it wasn’t as great as they said it would be. I was rather disappointed! When Paula, the surgical nurse came to see me, I had to go to the bathroom so she helped me wrap a blanket around me because my giant butt was peering out the back of that very fashionable hospital gown. Then she walked me to the bathroom with my IV bag in one hand and the other across the small of my back. She was very nice, as were all the other nurses, but she was my favorite of them all.

After I finished my business in the bathroom, Paula walked me back to my bed and then rolled me out of surgical waiting, through a set of closed doors and down a long corridor. I thought of the song Hotel California by the Eagles. Maybe I would never leave this place.

The operation room was freezing and everything was huge and sparkling clean. Paula helped me onto the thin, metal operating table. She put warm blankets over me. I farted. I thought to myself, “OMG, the surgeon is going to be so distracted by my bodily functions he’s not going to do it right!” Paula got my blood pressure cuff settled on one arm and a finger probe on the opposite hand. The anesthesiologist, Dr. Flock, came in and put probes on my chest. His name struck me as funny and I tried not to laugh but all I could think of was my Dad being silly. I know Dad would have jokingly said, “Get the flock out of here.” Paula strapped my arms down and also placed a strap across my upper legs. I was really scared at this point. Dr. Flock said he was giving me something in my IV bag (I don’t remember if he told me what it was) and that I would feel warm and sleepy soon. He put a mask over my face and told me to breathe deeply. I started to cry. Paula comforted me and I said something that I can’t remember now. My voice was very low and slow….

As my lights went out, Paula wiped a tear from my cheek and said, “It’s going to be ok.” THAT was the last thing I remember and all I can say is that Paula is a very, very special person.

Public Restrooms. Public Enemies?

2011-06-18T15:16:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have many pet peeves. One of those pet peeves happens to be public restrooms. I don't mind using a public restroom. What annoys me is the design and functionality of most. Each trip I have taken to Walmart in the past 2 years has led me to writing this post. It's been a long time coming....

First of all, let me just reiterate that it is NOT the "public" part of the restroom I don't like. What I don't like is the design and function of those restrooms. Why don't business owners and builders work a little harder to get this right? Surely, the following list of flaws aggravates others too! Read my list and then let me know your opinions.

1. Automatic Flushing Toilets. Do we really need the toilet to flush for us? Is this something that's so difficult for us humans to do? Granted, some people are lazy slobs who don't flush when finished, but the majority of us do. I wouldn't mind the automatic flushing, IF I were finished before the flush! Sometimes, a simple movement will trigger the sensor, telling the toilet to flush. Maybe I'm just too short or something, but this should be taken into account. Not everyone is the same height, right? I mean, when you're sitting there and the toilet flushes 3 times before you actually stand up, there's a problem. I have started draping a piece of toilet tissue (when possible) over the bar behind the toilet to cover the sensor! I have even considered bringing stickers in my purse to cover them! Who likes being splashed with "dirty water?" Not me.

2. Seat Covers. Some restrooms have them, some don't. I wonder if the ones that don't provide seat covers know that there are old women out there who actually squat over the seat to avoid germs.....and then actually get the seat wet (you know what I mean) for the next person? All I have to say is ewww and thanks a lot.

3. Toilet Tissue Dispensers. Ok, we need the toilet tissue dispensers but do they really need to be so low on the wall that the simple reaching for it triggers the automatic flush?? Sometimes they're so low that it's difficult just to get some tissue out. Do I really have to carry my own tissue?

4. Automatic Water Faucets. No touch means no germs. I get it. However, can the water just stay on long enough for me to finish? Why must I keep moving my hands about trying to get the water to come back on?

5. Empty Soap Dispensers. How hard is it for the soap dispensers to be filled at each scheduled restroom cleaning? Should I start bringing my own soap too?

6. Hand Dryers. Why must it take 5 minutes for my hands to be blown dry? I don't know about you, but I'm always in a rush and if there are no paper towels, it's much quicker to just drip dry or dab my hands on my pants. Thank goodness some restrooms also provide paper towels.

7. Dirty Door Handles. So..... They go through all the trouble of having automatic flushing toilets, automatic water faucets, no-touch hand dryers to avoid germs from being spread but they have doors with dirty handles. They forget about the people who don't wash their hands before they leave the restroom. They still touch the door handle. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of washing my hands and being careful not to get some unwanted germ that could make me ill? When I'm ready to leave the restroom, I use a paper towel (if provided) or my shirt to open the door.

8. Small Stalls. Honestly, I have been in stalls that are so small and so poorly designed that my knees hit the stall door. Sometimes, I can barely get in the stall because the door swings in so close to the toilet. They can't do better than that?

9. Writing On The Walls. Come on people. Grow up. Show some class. If you want to write on the walls, write on your walls in your home so the rest of us don't have to see it.

That just about wraps it up. One last thing though before closing, though. I wish adults would teach their children some class and manners. Have you seen the messes left behind by young children? Ugh.

I'm positive I could think of a couple more things.....just give me another trip to Walmart to refresh my memory.

'Those People'

2011-06-16T16:27:00.000-05:00

I always try to mind my own business. What other people (outside of my own household) do, is their business. Why should I care? I don't appreciate when people stick their noses into my business so I try to stay out of theirs. I understand basic human curiosity and that there are just some people who can't help themselves!

What I will never be able to understand, are 'those people' who are constantly trying to cause trouble for someone else. Instigators. These are the people I purposely go out of my way to avoid. I avoid them like spiders, dentists and doggy drool. I don't want any part of their drama. Why do I need their ridiculous, childish acts of stupidity in my life? I have my own worries to deal with, as does everyone and it upsets me terribly when 'those people' cause trouble for someone I care about.

'Those people' make up lies, start rumors and say terribly cruel things to and about others. They don't care that they've hurt someone. They try to make others look bad, feel bad and REACT. A REACTION adds fuel to the fire. That's what they want. They do whatever they can to make themselves look superior. Well, guess what? I'm not fooled by their cloak of ugliness.

I shall continue to avoid them like spiders, dentists and doggy drool. I hope you avoid 'those people' too.

Bittersweet

2011-05-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

My daughter, S.R. and my grandson, D.M. have moved out. I wish them the best naturally but I will worry about them, no matter what....and I most definitely will miss them, A LOT!

It's been strange here without them. I wake up in the morning to absolute quiet, a clean kitchen and no toys on the floor to stumble over. When I brush my teeth I can't believe the space on my counter. One roll of toilet paper has lasted us 2 days instead of just one. My living room is again, a living room, instead of a play room. Things that I had to put out of D.M.'s reach are now easy to get to. No more searching for my remote controls! There are no more temper tantrums right in the middle of my tv shows! No more loud foot steps of a two year old's running feet when I'm trying to take a nap. Dinner time is odd without them both sitting at the opposite side of the table. The laundry room isn't constantly in use. I no longer have little feet on my heels as I go outside. It's rather sad....

I'm enjoying the calmness; something my house hasn't seen in a long time, but I miss my grandson something terrible. I miss his great big squishy hugs and the kisses he gives me and then wipes off. I miss his sign language (one of his own creation) and the facial expressions that follow. I miss tickling under his chin, and hearing that uncontrollable giggle. I don't know why he's so ticklish there! I will miss the completion of his potty training and his words for pee and poop - 'ewee' and 'woop'. I will definitely miss watching him play when he doesn't know he's being watched. He's quite amusing! I love him so much!

Of course, I'll miss S.R. too. She's my baby girl after all. My Friday the 13th baby, who to this day is still called 'Jason' by her grampa. She has made some bad choices and learned from them. She will continue to learn from her experiences and choices. She's my oldest child, my only daughter. She is the most loyal person you could ever meet. She has a good heart and kind soul. I watched her grow into a beautiful young woman and I'm proud to say she's my daughter.

I love you baby girl!

Round and Round

2011-04-18T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have many pet peeves. Ask anyone who knows me. I bitch a lot, about a lot of things. I can't help it. My biggest pet peeve is incompetence. I just can't understand why people can't be more competent in their jobs. Don't employers train the people they hire? Of course they do. They just hire idiots or foreign-speaking people who don't have a complete grasp of the English language. Just email (or call) any business' customer support and you'll see what I mean. Perhaps you've already had experience with bad customer service reps? I sure have. Every single time I have a problem and contact customer support, I get the run around.

Last October, we changed ISPs which means I had to change my main email. I went through all of my accounts and changed my email to the new one. I tried to log into my Walmart.com account and I couldn't. I don't know why. My password is always one of 4 different variations of one word. I had just used my account not too long before that when I purchased a digital camera online. I tried several times, for several days and then I just gave up. I opened a new account. I then asked customer service to delete my old account. Even though I emailed them the pertinent information to prove my identity, they emailed back with: ".........we cannot delete an account without proof of your identity." I was aggravated to say the least. I emailed them and politely explained to them that "....if they had read my email thoroughly they would have seen that I sent all the information they would require to prove my identity." They actually did what I asked them to do at that point.

After I got my accounts all updated with the new email, I went back to Walmart.com and attempted to order my prescriptions online, which I had done many times before on my old account. Since I now had a new account I was required to open a new pharmacy account. The site would not let me do this. I got a message stating that "The information you entered is already linked to a different email address. If you have already created an account using a different email address, please sign out and then sign in again using your other email address. For additional assistance, please contact customer service." My old account had been closed, so I contacted customer service.

Customer service sent me instructions on how to create an account. Aggravated again? You bet I was. I explained to them again, that I cannot create an account because my old email is linked to my name and Rx information. I told them I needed to have the email associated with my old pharmacy account changed to my new email. They answered back with instructions on how to change my email address. More aggravation sets in at this point. After another email to them, explaining the situation yet again, I was told, "Please call your local Walmart pharmacy and have them change the email on file." Ok. That's the best answer I've got since I started this. Easy enough.

After several months of perpetual forgetfulness - too many things on my plate I guess - I finally called my local Walmart pharmacy. The pharmacy technician said they don't keep emails on file. She double-checked on their computer, looking up my name and said, "Nope. We don't have a place here to enter an email." She apologized and I told her it wasn't her fault and thanked her for looking. Back to the drawing board.

Wednesday, April 13 - Friday, April 15: I tried again to open a pharmacy account. I thought just maybe they fixed a glitch in the system that had caused this problem. No such luck. Same message. Again, I emailed customer support, explaining the problem. I get instructions on how to open a pharmacy account. I explain again. Then, I get instructions on how to change my email. I explain again. Then I am asked to provide detailed information pertaining to my account, i.e. name, birthdate, address, old email, phone number so they can delete my old pharmacy account. This would allow me to then open a new one. I'm thinking "Ah. Finally. Someone who knows what to do." Wishful thinking. The next response from them sets my blood on fire! I'm told, "Your account for [current email] does not have a pharmacy account created." REALLY? REALLY? I had to explain yet again. Obviously, my emails are read by different customer service reps each time. There are no case numbers assigned to the emails, and none of the emails are signed with a name.

I was absolutely livid when I got the next response, which read "Dear William, We apologize for the delay........and we have escalated the issue to a Customer Service Manager, who will be contacting you within one business day." I replied back to them, "My name is NOT William!" I insisted that they get someone COMPETENT to call me or just don't call me at all! IDIOTS!

My phone call came Sunday, April 15, in the evening. The customer service manager apologized for my trouble and repeated to me the problem I was having. I told her she was correct. She then, retrieved my old pharmacy account and changed the old email to the new email and told me I shouldn't have any problems now. She even read off to me a few of the previous prescriptions I had ordered refills for. Seemed everything was in order. I thanked her for her help, letting her know how appreciative I was and we hung up. After checking, my problem had finally been solved. Simple. As it should have been at the very start.

Reliving A Nightmare

2011-03-17T21:09:00.000-05:00

Last night, I dreamed of my mom who was killed in a car accident in August 1992. She had been drinking and popping prescription pain relievers. She was not wearing a seat belt and was thrown from the vehicle. In my dream, she was alive and I had the opportunity to stop her from not wearing her seat belt. Did she listen? No. She didn't like anyone telling her what to do or what not to do. I woke up feeling that same pain and sadness as I did almost 19 years ago.

When my parents were still married, many times she called my Dad a "know-it-all" She resented the fact that my father was a college graduate and she barely finished the 9th grade. Many times, I was also a "know-it-all." There was aways a conflict brewing in our household. She always took the opposite stance on any subject, regardless.

I understand completely not liking being told what to do; I don't like it either. But common sense steps in and takes over. Common sense tells me to wear a seat belt. I hope common sense tells my grown children to wear a seat belt. I raised them to be responsible, self-reliant human beings. I hope they understand that wearing a seat belt can not only save their lives but also ensure that their children have a mother/father in their lives.

Although my mother and I butted heads and were often at odds, I still wish she were here. If she had just worn that seat belt she would be enjoying her many grandchildren and her 2 beautiful great-grandchildren today. She was 50 years old the year she died and would now be nearing 70. It would be wonderful to have a mom to talk to about personal things or just to have a little girl talk. Of course, that would be in a perfect world because mom was so argumentative that our girl talk would have turned into a cat fight!

I still wish she were here.....

March 13th & A Recipe!

2011-03-13T19:51:00.000-05:00

Today, is my eldest child's birthday. 24 years ago I gave birth to an 8 lb. 7 oz. baby girl. She had chubby red cheeks, hair as dark as coal, a "cone head" and regardless of that temporary deformity I thought she was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen. She still is. She was born on the 13th of March, a Friday the 13th. Her Grampa called her Jason for years...and occasionally he still does! Many people are superstitious about Friday the 13th and fear the worst when that day comes around. Not me. Friday the 13th will forever be a day of good luck for me because that's when I met my baby girl.

I have had the pleasure (and sometimes headache) of watching my grandson grow this past 2 years. It's been 2 years of ups and downs, fun and laughter, with very little peace and quiet. As I look back, I know I wouldn't trade it for anything.

In less than a month, S.R. and my grandson will be moving out. I will miss them very, very much and hate to see them go but at the same time I'm happy for them to be able to move on and live their own lives. We've had many of S.R.'s "obligations" to tend to over the last year and soon they will be over. The stress of working around those "obligations" has overwhelmed me at times. I hope that S.R. can make it in this world and be happy with her life. I hope she knows (and she should because I've told her) that boyfriends sometimes come and go but her family is forever. I'm not happy with her choice in men and it doesn't really matter what I think. I just hope they are happy and that things work out. We all have great expectations when we're young; I just hope she's not disappointed or hurt in the end.

I do hope they will visit often and that D.M. will want to spend the weekend with Gramma sometime. I will miss him dearly.

Tonight we had S.R.'s favorite cake, and I have to admit it's my fave too. We have it every year for her birthday. If you've not tried it you really should! The recipe for HEATH CAKE is below:

Heath Cake

1 box chocolate cake mix
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 jar caramel sauce
1 8 oz. tub whipped cream
3 Heath bars, crushed

Mix cake and bake according to package instructions. While cake is in oven, mix together the sweetened condensed milk and caramel sauce.

When cake comes out of oven, and while still very warm, poke many holes throughout cake. (I use a metal skewer.) Pour the caramel mixture over the cake and let it seep into the holes you've poked. Once it has cooled down, smooth whipped cream over top. Sprinkle crushed heath bar pieces all over top. Chill cake before serving. Enjoy!!

Sadness

2011-02-08T22:02:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling very sad tonight for a friend, who's husband has lost his battle with Alzheimer's Disease. Of course, no one will ever win a battle with this terrible disease - not in my lifetime anyway.

Alzheimer's is the 6th leading cause of death in the U.S. 5.3 million people in this country have it. Alzheimer's costs 172 billion dollars per year and 10.9 million caregivers are unpaid. Unpaid? Why? They are unpaid because they are caring for someone at home who is suffering from the disease.

It's not just the Alzheimer's victim who suffers. The family and friends suffer as well. It's a most horrific disease. I've seen it's devastating effects on people's lives first hand. I hope to not have to experience this within my own family. It's hard enough watching it rip friends' lives into pieces. What can I do?

All I can do is help a friend mourn the loss of her husband and help her pick up the pieces.

Peanut Butter Ice Cream Pie Recipe

2010-12-23T18:43:00.000-06:00

I've been so preoccupied with the holidays that I haven't had a chance to post the recipes I had planned to. Here's a de-lish ice cream pie that I've made a few times for my family. It'll be a big hit!

Peanut Butter Ice Cream Pie

1 graham cracker pie crust
1/2 c. creamy peanut butter
1/4 c. honey
1 qt. vanilla ice cream, slightly softened
1/2 c. chopped cashews (or peanuts)
6 oz. chocolate fudge topping
8 oz. whipped cream

Mix peanut butter and honey. Stir mix into softened ice cream. Spoon half of the ice cream into pie crust. (Work fast, especially if you're making during the warm months!) Sprinkle with half of the cashews. Drizzle 4 oz. of the fudge topping over nuts. Spoon the remaining ice cream onto pie. Sprinkle with remaining nuts and drizzle with remaining chocolate over top. Spread whipped cream over top. Freeze for 6 hours.

NOTES: You can add your own touch; a bit of caramel syrup or mini-chocolate chips, shaved chocolate, shredded coconut, bits of crushed heath bar or peanut brittle even! Have fun and enjoy!

Little Drummer Boy

2010-12-16T21:00:00.000-06:00

As if he wasn't noisy enough already, I had to show him how to make his stepping stool into a drum! And boy, did he have fun!

Ian Somerhalder Foundation

2010-12-15T22:05:00.000-06:00

Ian Somerhalder Foundation

What are you passionate about? Are you trying to reduce your impact on the environment? Are you an animal rights activist? Are you concerned about our dependence on fossil fuels?

Please join Ian Somerhalder in his quest to raise awareness and money for the causes that are near and dear to your heart.

You may know Ian Somerhalder from the show LOST or perhaps the hit vampire series, The Vampire Diaries. You may have seen him on Larry King speaking on the BP oil spill. Being raised in Louisiana, Ian was shaken by the tragedy and has since been extremely vocal on the issue and many others.

Please help the foundation now by donating or volunteering. You can also help by spreading the word! Just pass this link on to all your friends: http://www.isfoundation.com .

Homemade Pizza!

2010-12-13T21:34:00.000-06:00

When my children were small, I decided that I was going to create my own family traditions for the holidays. One of those traditions is homemade pizza on Christmas Eve. It's very simple really. If I'm pressed for time, I buy the pre-made pizza crusts but homemade from scratch is sooo much better! All you need is a good crust, a good sauce and your favorite toppings and then you've got your own homemade pizza! Here's my recipe:

The crust:

4 cups all purpose flour
2 cups warm water
2 envelopes yeast
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon salt

Mix the yeast and warm water, then add the sugar. Wait for the yeast to begin to get bubbly. Then start adding the flour until all is combined and the dough is slightly sticky. Cover the bowl with saran wrap and let the dough rise in a warm area for about 30 minutes. Turn the dough out onto a floured area and knead with your hands about 5 to 10 times. Roll the dough to desired thickness and put in your pans. I normally bake my pizza crust for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees before putting sauce and other toppings on. This keeps the dough from getting soggy. It doesn't always get soggy so you don't have to do it this way.

The sauce is a bit more difficult to put down since I actually just throw it together, so if you have a question just give me a holler!

1 (28 oz.) can stewed tomatoes, crushed

2 (28 oz.) cans of tomato sauce

4 cloves garlic, finely chopped or 2 teaspoons garlic powder (or both, if you love garlic like I do!!)

1 tablespoon dried basil

1 tablespoon dried oregano

1 bay leaf

1 teaspoon onion powder

1/2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes (if you like your sauce on the spicy side!)

1 - 2 teaspoons sugar (if you like your sauce on the sweet side!)

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Salt to taste (If your tomato sauce has added salt you may not need to add more.)

Notes: I wouldn't use both red pepper flakes and sugar. Choose one or the other. You can choose to add finely chopped onion and bell pepper, sliced mushrooms and ground Italian sausage. If you like your sauce chunky, leave chunks of tomato, mushroom, bell pepper and onion in the sauce. If you like it smooth, then run your veggies in the food processor with a little tomato sauce before adding to pot. It's just all about what YOU like and tweaking this recipe (or any other recipe) to satisfy your own family's tastes. This sauce doubles as a Spaghetti Sauce so make a batch and then save some for pizza!

Let your sauce simmer while you prepare the pizza toppings. (It's best if it simmers for at least an hour.)

Toppings:

I use a combination of Mozzarella and Monterey Jack chesses, Parmesan and /or Romano cheese, pepperoni, Genoa salami, anchovies, black olives, mushrooms, bell pepper. You can use whatever your heart desires!

When your pizza is topped and everyone's hungry, bake it at about 375 degrees for about 15 minutes.

Ta-da! Our Christmas Eve Tradition is alive again! Enjoy!

Popcorn Cake Recipe - A Family Favorite

2010-12-01T21:08:00.000-06:00

I'm going to share a family favorite with everyone who's interested. I don't do that often. Call me stingy. This favorite recipe came from a co-worker back 25+ years ago. If you know me, then you've most likely had this yummy dessert before OR I've given you the recipe. Trust me, this is so yummy your kids will be screaming for more! So, here's the recipe - the first recipe in a series of my favorite holiday (or anytime) recipes. Enjoy!

Popcorn Cake

1 lb. miniature marshmallows
2 sticks margarine
1 lb. M&M's*
1 cup dry roasted peanuts
16 cups popped popcorn
1 small bag M&M's with peanuts*

*Seasonal M&M's can be used for the holidays.

Melt margarine on the stove, not in the microwave. Add marshmallows and let them melt. Turn off heat. Add and mix the rest of the ingredients. (I usually transfer the melted marshmallow and margarine to a large aluminum bowl for mixing in other ingredients.) Put in angel food cake pan that has been sprayed with Pam or buttered. Press mixture lightly into pan. Chill and remove from pan.

Not Such A Good Idea

2010-11-30T15:48:00.001-06:00

Today, my daughter, my son, the 2 grandkids and I went to Walmart. We had a few things to pick up like milk and stuff for burgers tonight. Doodle Bug was a bit tired of riding in the cart and daddy took her out to let her stretch her legs. As we were standing in the check-out line, Doodle Bug decided to crawl under the basket and lay on the rack near the wheels. We were very mindful of where her little hands and fingers were. I've seen kids get their fingers ran over while riding below like this and I didn't want her to get hurt. We weren't moving though, just standing in line. The problem was, that her little legs were skinnier than the bars on the rack and her little legs got stuck in between. She was STUCK and not a happy camper! Her daddy helped her out and all was fine in the universe again. It was fun while it lasted!

Mr. Potato Head's Cat

2010-11-29T15:04:00.001-06:00

This is Mr. Potato Head's Cat, Korn. "Yes, that's Korn. Korn with a "K" and you have disturbed my slumber."

This morning the phone rang and woke me up. I let the machine pick it up. I decided I'd better get up and see who it was. I put my glasses on and crawled out of bed.

Message important, but not urgent.

I guess my grand son, D.M., was shocked to see that I had my glasses on already. Usually, when I crawl out of bed he reminds me that I don't have them. He uses sign language mostly - some that I taught him and some that he created himself. His sign for glasses is putting his hands over his eyes. He made this sign and then made the sign for sleeping, which is his head resting on his hand. I told him, "Yes, I have my glasses on. I don't wear them when I sleep." Then, just to be funny I asked him, "Do you wear your glasses when you sleep?" He cocked his head to the side (like a puppy) and looked confused. "Uh oh," I thought. I've confused him alright!! He then ran to his Mr. Potato Head pieces and grabbed up Mr. Potato Head's glasses and put them on his own face! Soon after he was trying them on the cat. Poor Korn. He's a 'good ol' boy' and really doesn't mind being bothered, but doesn't he looked thrilled?

Difficult Feelings

2010-11-26T21:06:00.000-06:00

I really do care about people. I feel their pain when they are in pain. I feel their grief when they are grieving. I laugh when they laugh. I am very empathetic and sympathetic. I lend a good ear and I have a big shoulder for those needing a good cry. I often have advice that sometimes is taken and sometimes, is not. I love with my whole heart and if you are my true friend I will be a loyal friend. My family is my heart and soul. To hurt my family is to hurt me. If you hurt me I am not so quick to forgive. When my heart is bruised, it heals slowly. When it is broken, it may not heal at all. I respect everyone unless they disrespect me or my family.

I have lost trust and respect for someone I cared deeply for and it hurts. I wish I could get that back but I'm afraid that ship has sailed. It can never be the same. I do miss her because she was like a daughter to me.

I have been disrespected by another, in such a manner that I don't think I could ever respect that person regardless of how hard I try. I must try however, for the sake of someone else who is very close to my heart. How can I even begin to care about someone who is so blatantly disrespectful? Is he really so arrogant (or stupid) that he thinks he deserves my respect now?

It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to 'care' about people these days especially when it seems like every time I feel, I get burned. When I was young I learned not to loan my belongings to others because I would get my belongings back damaged (or not at all). It's the same with my heart, loyalty, respect and compassion. Why give it, if only to have it damaged?

Giving Thanks

2010-11-20T19:55:00.000-06:00

This time of year, most people are planning their Thanksgiving dinners. Some folks head out to spend a few days with relatives. Some folks stay home and prepare the big meal for family and friends. My family and I are staying home, wishing that my sisters and their families could be here. No matter where we're going or who we're with, we're giving thanks for all we have and those we love. Of course, we shouldn't wait until Thanksgiving to give thanks. We need to slow down and appreciate our lives, our loved ones and all the little things that we many times take for granted. What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for.....

*My family, who have always been there for me.
*My father, who is my best friend.
*My children, and that they are safe and healthy.
*My grandchildren, who are beautiful, healthy and light up my life.
*My friends, who are always there to listen and give helpful advice or lend a shoulder for me to cry on.
*My health, although it isn't the greatest at this moment. I'm alive and still able to take care of myself.
*The food on our table every single day. Some people aren't that lucky.
*A roof over my head, even though it leaks a little.
*A bed to snuggle up in, to keep warm on these cold winter nights.
*The clothes I wear, although not very stylish or extravagant. I'm comfortable.
*My furbabies, who are every bit a part of my family as my children and grandchildren.
*The warmth of the sun on my face when I step outside.
*My ears that enable me to hear babies laughing, kittens purring and beautiful music.
*My eyes, to see my children and grandchildren, flowers blooming, kittens playing and the ability to drive my car!

There are so many things to be thankful for, although sometimes things aren't always what I wish them to be. I'm so thankful to be alive and experiencing this life with the people closest to my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving All!
Be safe and thankful.....

Things That Give Me The Creeps!

2010-11-16T21:58:00.000-06:00

After reading another blogger's post of the things that give her the "heebie-jeebies" I was inspired to make a list of my own. There are many things that creep me out and some may be just plain silly to some but nonetheless, they still creep me out! Please feel free to comment but be nice because you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. Ha. Just kidding. Fire away.

(These are in no particular order; I type as they come to me.)

1. Spiders. Any kind, shape or size. Poisonous or non-poisonous. Hair or no hair. 8 legs or missing a leg or 2. Doesn't matter. They scare the crap out of me.

2. Chainsaws. I hate the sound of a chainsaw. I get the creeps at the mere mention of a chainsaw. In fact, in my house we refer to a chainsaw as a CS. I think this fear of the CS is due to that good ol' original movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." I took my sister to see it in the theater when she was in the 5th grade, which made me about a sophomore in high school. To this day my sister LOVES horror movies. I, on the other hand, DO NOT.

3. Maggots. The dreaded "M" word. Yep, we call it the "M" word in my house. I hate them. They are disgusting and just the thought makes me want to hurl. This stems from seeing some awful things with the "M" word that I do not wish to write about.

4. A certain Rock Star by the name of Steven Tyler. When I was in the 5th grade I started buying my own records (yes, they were records back then) and I frequently shopped at a little store called The Music Box in my home town of Lodi, CA. I would flip through the records to see if there was anything of interest to me and the very first time I saw Steven Tyler's face on an Aerosmith album cover I wanted to run out of the store screaming! Don't know why. To this day he still gives me the creeps. I cannot look at him. If his face pops up on tv I look away as quickly as I can. I just can't do it. I had a dream not too long ago, with Steven Tyler in it. I couldn't even look at him in my dream. I kept covering my eyes! How weird is that? I don't think I've taken a good look at the guy since I was in the 5th grade.

5. People with crossed eyes, a lazy eye - or crooked headlights as my dad calls them. It's so difficult to tell if they're looking at me! Holy smokes. Just creepy. (I mean no disrespect towards anyone who suffers from an eye problem.)

6. The sound of bones crushing or breaking, blood gushing, heads or other body parts coming off..... Back to the horror movies..... Geez, they need to leave a little to the imagination in my opinion. When I see the CS, I know that something is coming off and I don't need to see it fly off to get the idea.

7. Dwarfs, midgets. They just give me the creeps for some reason. Nothing against the little people, really. I knew a father and son, both little people and they were very nice.

8. The thought of being buried alive, trapped in a water-submersed vehicle or in a burning building with no escape. What a horrific way to die.

9. Bridges...swinging foot bridges, high bridges over deep water, narrow bridges, bridges longer than 100 feet or so. I have a recurring nightmare, not too often anymore, about being on a long, high bridge that's over deep, rising water. In the dream I get half way across the bridge and then I turn around and around again. Suddenly the water is all around me and I'm left standing on the one dry part of the bridge and I have nowhere to go. I'm sure the reason for this dream and my fear of bridges stems from me not being able to swim. This leads to my next item.

10. Deep water in which I cannot see or feel the bottom. I want to see what's under there. I want to have my feet planted on the ground. You just never know what's under there lurking....

To Be Continued....possibly.

How To Keep A Toddler Busy (Part 3)

2010-11-15T20:06:00.000-06:00

One of D.M.'s favorite things to do, making koolade. You'll know this is what he wants to do when he takes his hand and simulates stirring and then points to his sippy cup. He loves to help!

Sick & Sorry

2010-11-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

Lacking just the right words for a title for this entry. The closest I can come to is Sick & Sorry. I've been sick for 4 days now. Running a low grade fever off and on, coughing, sneezing, slight headache. I'm constantly on the go. I'm always expected to be someone's caregiver in some way or another. I try to do what I can to help my family and extended family. I try to be there for the people I care about, friends included. BUT it's time for me to slow down and take some time to take care of me. Along with the severe arthritis pain in my lower extremities and spine, I have a head cold that doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm trying to rest, drink lots of fluids and take care of me for a change. This just doesn't seem to sit well with some people though. For some reason they feel they have been let down; disappointed in some way. Is it too much to ask for a few days to get well? I'm sorry I'm human. I get sick; not often but it does happen. After many harsh words being said, I'm left feeling like the bad guy, like I'm the one at fault...and for what? For not being able to do what someone else wants me to do. For being sick and trying to take it easy. Forgive me for being human. I'll try not to let it happen again.

The Bear Went Over The Mountain

2010-10-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

When I was a young girl, I was in the Girl Scouts. Every summer, we had what they called "Day Camp" where all the scouts and their troop leaders spent the week camping. Actually, we were picked up each evening to go home and the last day was the only overnighter. We had fun playing games, doing crafts, singing songs around the campfire and cooking our favorite snacks like Smores.

One of the songs we sang was 'The Bear Went Over The Mountain.' Up until today, I never really knew the correct lyrics and I'm surprised at how different I learned it as a kid in the Girl Scouts. I guess the Girl Scouts changed it to make it a Girl Scout song. The problem is, I could never remember exactly how we sang it back then so I made up my own version. It goes like this:

The bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain to see what he could see.

He saw a bunch of Girl Scouts, he saw a bunch of Girl Scouts, he saw a bunch of Girl Scouts, and what do you think he did?

He ate up all the Girl Scouts, he ate up all the Girl Scouts, he ate up all the Girl Scouts, and what do you think he did?

He puked up all the Girl Scouts, he puked up all the Girl Scouts, he puked up all the Girl Scouts, and what do you think he did?

I stopped at this point, as I could never think of what could possibly come next. Anyway, the whole point of this story is that I was singing my version of this song (and other songs too) to my 19 month old grand daughter last night while trying to rock her back to sleep. She was drifting off slowly, occasionally opening her eyes. Her nose was a little stuffy and she was uncomfortable but she was obviously trying to fall back asleep. When I got to the last verse 'He puked up all the Girl Scouts,' Doodle Bug opened her eyes and very loudly responded, "Gross!" I didn't realize she was even listening to me. It was a moment I won't soon forget!

How To Keep A Toddler Busy (Second of Series)

2010-09-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

D.M. watched diligently as Grampa made a chocolate cake this evening. He eyed the beaters as Grampa put them in the sink. I'm sure he wasn't too happy about that! After Grampa got the cake mix poured into the pan, he gave D.M. the bowl to "lick." This kept him occupied for a bit. He didn't make as big of a mess as anticipated - the kid has pretty good aim most of the time when it comes to food. Even on his first birthday, not much of the cake ended up on the floor. Now to get him to bed after all that sugar!

Offer Withdrawn

2010-09-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

An offer to do something nice for someone resulted in a bizarre feeling that it was the wrong thing to do. Why are people so petty? Offer withdrawn, never to be on the table again.

How To Keep A Toddler Busy (First of a Series)

2010-09-09T16:11:00.000-05:00

My grandson, D.M. is almost 2 years old now. I can't believe how he's grown! He's been in his terrible twos for quite awhile. His attention span is next to nothing. His mind must be racing with all the thoughts of what he can get into next. He should be exhausted by the end of the day. I know I am, just from trying to keep up with him all day! It's hard to keep him occupied. Sometimes, he finds something interesting to do on his own.....

I was peeling potatoes one day and he thought he would help me. He pulled a chair up to my utility cart, retrieved a potato from the potato bin, opened the silverware drawer and pulled out a spoon. Then he got up on the chair. Away he went....he worked at that potato for several minutes, then gave up. I can imagine how that potato would've looked if he had stayed interested long enough!

Random Thoughts....

2010-09-03T22:15:00.003-05:00

Tonight I woke up from a short nap, (Yeah, I'm old and I need a nap on occasion) and something made me think of the phrase "shit on a stick." There are many meanings to that phrase and I'm going to ignore all of them but one, because quite frankly most of them are disgusting. I'm thinking of corn dogs and caramel apples....foods you eat on a stick or in my house "shit on a stick."

I'm not sure why or how the conversation even started because I just woke up, but I got to thinking about all the fun foods you can eat on a stick; foods served on a stick that must've originated with fairs and carnivals. It made eating food easier, so you can walk and talk and have all that fun.....well, the fun we had when we were kids. I'm too tired for that kind of fun now but I still like "shit on a stick".

There are more foods on a stick than I had initially thought. There's the best known foods like caramel apples, corn dogs, cotton candy, suckers, popsicles, ice cream bars, the Chinese favorite, chicken on a stick, and backyard favorites, ka-bobs and corn on the cob. I did a quick Google Search and found several others, many of which I have never heard of and don't even know what they are. I found a few familiar foods that sounded like they might be good....not good for you, but good. There's meatballs, pretzels, frozen & chocolate-dipped bananas, sausages, frozen & chocolate-dipped Hostess Twinkies, deep fried Hostess Ho Ho's, pork chops, frozen candy bars and rice krispy treats.

It's fun to eat "shit on a stick" isn't it?

Oh, I almost forgot to mention one of my favorites....Jose Jalapeño on a stick. See him in action below with Jeff Dunham and Peanut:

Beware The Snapping Turtle

2010-08-30T21:59:00.013-05:00

Wow. My son C.F. decided to go for a walk this evening. He found a baby snapping turtle. He brought it home and we ooed and awed at it's tiny cuteness. Everyone except for D.M. He was fine until C.F. put it on the floor and the tiny little thing took off like the road runner. We had to put him in a plastic bucket to get a picture because he was moving so fast! I was amazed at the fact that it was as tiny as a peppermint candy. I took a few pictures of "Tiny" and then C.F. returned him from whence he came….

I remember someone telling me that snapping turtles jump and being a logical thinker and all, I didn't believe it. However, I did some research and many people claim that they do, in fact, jump. I found a video on YouTube to share. They do jump, I suppose. Although it's a bit more like a "push off" than anything else and I suppose if the dang thing is big enough, it could quite easily propel itself forward a great distance, especially if it's pissed off. Oh, and word of warning: The bigger ones CAN take your finger off so proceed with caution when dealing with snapping turtles!

Watch out for 'Jumping' Snapping Turtles! LOL.

Random Memory....

2010-08-29T16:57:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, it was a simpler time. We didn't have VCRs, DVD players, CDs or DVDs. We didn't have cell phones; just the old fashioned kind with a cord. We didn't have satellite dishes, satellite radio or flat screen TVs. We had a tube-bearing color TV with a few basic channels and if we were lucky our parents got cable. We didn't have microwaves or computers. We didn't have MP3 Players; just radios & record players that played LPs & 45s. We didn't have digital cameras; just the kind with a roll of film that had to be developed at the store. If we didn't have a flash bulb we'd have to make sure our pictures were taken outside. I could go on....but I won't because all of you old enough to remember these times knows exactly what I mean by 'simpler times.'

In this 'simpler time' we had to find something constructive to do or our parents would make us clean our rooms or clean out the garage. My sisters and I chose to keep busy outside riding our bikes or walking around the block over and over again. (This was back when it was safe to walk around the block without an adult.) We had a pool to play in and a swing set in our back yard. We spent countless hours playing house, school or doctor, or tormenting our neighbor.

Our neighbors were very nice people. They were a couple about the age of my parents, with 3 kids. The 2 youngest girls were around my sisters' ages and the oldest boy was my age. I remember when my parents told us we were moving next door to them. I was horrified! I couldn't imagine living next door to Michael Victor and what would my classmates think - what would they say? Oh, how I prayed no one would find out!

We always pretended to hate each other, in school and at home, but we always had fun. We had water balloon fights and my sisters, his sisters and I chased Michael all over the neighborhood and he chased us too. We spent a lot of time conspiring against him & trying to sneak up behind him with a big ol' water balloon. Sometimes, we caught him by surprise but usually he was one step ahead of us! He always got even! We had tons of fun - I guess I can't speak for Michael, but I remember those summers most fondly and I always wonder where Michael went to and what he's doing these days.

I recently found one of his sisters on Facebook so I'm hoping contact with Michael will eventually follow.

Oh, how I wish for simpler times again... Those were the days......

Toxicity Part Two

2010-08-25T21:56:00.000-05:00

As if we don't have enough environmental toxicity to deal with, we always have a few toxic people in our lives that need to be "cut loose." You know who I'm talking about. A friend, a friend of a friend, an obnoxious neighbor, it could even be a relative - those people who drag you down, drain you of energy or put you, a loved one or your dreams down as if no one else's feelings matter. There always seems to be someone who has something negative to say or can't help but stir up trouble; the behind-your-back-talker, the nay-sayer, the one you just can't quite trust. They aren't happy so they don't want you to be happy either. I don't need them. You don't need them. Cut them loose. Declutter. Clean out your closet, so to speak.

I'm all for giving people a second chance, possibly a third but there comes a time when enough is enough. They can't hurt you if you let them go. If you don't mean enough to them, for them to be loyal and kind to you then let them go. Declutter. Remove the toxic people from your life.

Toxicity Part One

2010-08-25T21:42:00.000-05:00

We are living in a toxic world. We breathe chemicals in the air every day. We put chemicals on our skin. We consume chemicals on a daily basis. Our water supplies are polluted with chemical substances. Our oceans are being depleted and our lands raped. People are dying from disease, murdered by their neighbors and friends, and tortured by their governments. Our entire existence is filled with hatred, greed and envy. I fear for my children and grandchildren. What kind of world will they live in come the year 2020? 2030? 2040? Will our great Earth cease to exist?

New View

2010-08-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

I finally broke down and purchased a new digital camera. It's a 12 mp Kodak EasyShare - not top of the line (and not the bottom either) but perfect for snaps of the grand babies, my pets, nature walks & long drives. I have a refreshed "view" of life now that my pain is greatly reduced so I think the new camera is a very fitting addition to my life.

I'm enjoying my life, my grand babies and appreciating the people in my life more than I was just one short week ago. I am thankful for my family and friends and I'm thankful for this "new view."

Photo: My daughter, S.R. and grand son, D.M.

The Joy of a Little Walk

2010-08-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling better than I have in months! My doc gave me a new anti-inflammatory, plus a rescue drug for those days when I have severe pain, and just after one dose of the anti-inflammatory I could feel the difference! I am on Day 4 now and I am thrilled to have some mobility back. (Refer to The Enemy I Must Face for the story of my condition.)

I took a walk last night. It wasn't a long one, but it was a start. It was smooth walking for the most part and I enjoyed the mild heat and the green all around me. (We have trails on our property so I don't have to actually go anywhere.) I looked up and watched the birds as they flew over and smacked at a few little flying pests flitting about my face. Even that annoyance didn't bother me because I was enjoying being able to walk with very little pain! With any luck, this new medication will continue to "do it's thing" so that I can walk most evenings.

I continue to do my water exercises, which feel wonderful! I am "riding my bicycle" (stationary peddler) every day and I found a DVD of Yoga for Arthritis. I'm not sure I can do many of the poses, but I will do a few now and again, in hopes that I will regain strength after some time and be able to add more. My dietary changes, well....I keep goofing up, however doc said I had lost 20 lbs. so I must've done something right!

One day and one walk at a time.....I shall persevere.

WARNING: Some Doctors Are Hazardous To Your Health

2010-07-10T20:58:00.000-05:00

I went to a doctor a couple weeks ago and really got nowhere in terms of pain relief. I left wondering "What the heck was I thinking going to this guy?" But how would I have known he was a jerk, since I had never met him before? Now I know.

My records actually made it from the orthopedic doc's office to "jerk" doc's office. I didn't have too long of a wait before being called back or before the doc actually came in. I was surprised about that! The nurse took down all my vital information before telling me the doc looked like Santa Claus and that he was easy to talk to. Then she left the room.

Now, don't get me wrong - I didn't DISagree with everything this doc told me. I just don't like his bedside manner and his knowledge, or lack of knowledge would be more accurate. He first told me I needed to lose weight. I know this. I've been struggling with my weight since my first child was born and wasn't diagnosed with hypothyroidism until my youngest child was 3. I've been on meds for all this time and granted sometimes I don't eat right, but even when I have consciously made an effort to lose weight, nothing happens. I had lost some weight recently though and I am still working on it. Doc proceeded to tell me I need more exercise. REALLY? And how does he think I'm going to do that when I am in extreme pain 24/7?

Because of my response to the exercise suggestion, he next asked me what I was taking for pain. I told him I had tried all the OTC pain relievers and the only one that helped a little was Aleve (Naproxen Sodium). I told him I didn't like taking it all the time. He asked me why and I told him I didn't like the Increased Risk of Heart Attack and Stroke that accompanies this drug. I could hear in his voice how shocked he was at my statement. He said to me in a tone that I didn't like, "Where the heck did you hear that?" I told him since I had found out I had arthritis I've been doing research and all my sources said the same thing. He said he had never heard that. He said that Naproxen Sodium was the drug of choice for arthritis pain. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I was WRONG. Then he told me that I must have it confused with Avandia, which is a medication for diabetes type 2. He said that Avandia may be pulled from the market for the same thing. I knew it wasn't Avandia because I wasn't researching diabetes medications. I was researching arthritis and arthritis pain relievers. I told him that ALL of the NSAIDS have the same warning. He sat there and flat out told me I was wrong, again, and that I must have Avandia and Aleve confused, after all they start with the same letter. Give me a break! Ok, I'm not the most intelligent person in the world but I am not stupid and I was very resentful of his tone as well as his assumption that I must be stupid. Now, I don't mind a few side effects. I know I may not have all the side effects, heck, I may not have any of them. However, I DO mind life threatening warnings.

Now, even though I was uncomfortable taking this medication, he prescribed it anyway! At this point I was just fed up and wanted out of there. But before I left I decided to test him. In my research I had learned that the only way to rule out rheumatoid arthritis is to run a specific test. I asked him, "What kind of arthritis do I have?" He proceeded to tell me the difference between rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis. I was fuming. I already know the difference because I researched it. I told him very sternly, "You didn't answer my question. What kind of arthritis do I have?" Then he told me it was osteoarthritis. I asked, "How can you tell that just by looking at me and my records?" He told me it was because I don't have the typical curling deformity of the fingers that accompany rheumatoid arthritis. Can't people have RA without having it advanced to that degree? I'm disgusted at this point and I really want to kick him in the balls. He didn't run any tests, nor did the orthopedic doctor. He could be absolutely right in saying that I have osteoarthritis but his bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. IMHO, he is making an assumption without doing tests. Experience? Perhaps. Laziness? Perhaps. Arrogance? Perhaps. Probably all three.

Here's the icing on the cake: I was desperate for pain relief so I got the prescription filled. Along with the medication comes a few pages worth of drug information; side effects, how to take the medication, what to report to doctor, etc., etc. But the very first line of one page reads WARNING: MAY INCREASE RISK OF HEART ATTACK & STROKE.

So Doc, I was wrong huh? Maybe you'd better do some research of your own. I am sending a copy of this drug information page to him in hopes that he will do just that.

The Lie & Disappointment

2010-06-23T21:37:00.002-05:00

It began with The Lie.

I believed The Lie to be truth.

I disappointed someone I love very much for believing The Lie.

I hurt someone I love very much for believing The Lie.

I am disappointed in myself for believing The Lie.

It will NEVER happen again.

I Hate Guns

2010-06-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

My son wears a t-shirt that says "Guns Don't Kill People. People With Mustaches Kill People."

I think this statement is half right. The other half is just plain silly. But it makes me stop and think about how much I hate firearms.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Personally, I wish guns weren't so easy for people to get their hands on. It's far too easy to jump the gun, pardon the pun, and accidentally shoot your wife (sister, brother, daughter, son, or best friend) because you thought he/she was an intruder. There are so, so many people in this day and age with mental disorders and anger issues. You really have to be careful who you piss off! You could be facing some nut-case with a gun whom you accidentally bumped into at the grocery store. Or perhaps someone who was late for work got fired because you were driving too slow in front of them. Well, you get the picture.

I hate that people find it necessary to have guns in their homes, especially when there are children also in the home. I am afraid to look up statistics on how many young children have been injured or killed where a gun was in the home. Not to mention, teens and preteens who think it's cool or funny to show off Dad's gun to a friend, only to learn that it was loaded. I hear people say "as long as you have respect for the gun....." That's not even close to being true! It can happen, even if you have the utmost respect for your gun. Accidents can and do happen. Every day. Everyone wants to think "it won't happen to me or my family" but it can. Let's not forget about Columbine High School. Why was it so easy for 2 teenage boys to get their hands on firearms?

I hate guns. Period. I wish this world was a more peaceful place to live; where we all could get along without violence and without guns.

Parenting and Children's Privacy

2010-06-20T15:02:00.001-05:00

I don't claim to be the best parent in the world. No one can claim that, for heaven's sake. When we have our first child, we are newbies. Babies don't come with instructions and no matter how many books we read, we will never be fully prepared for the job of parent. Parenting is a difficult job but is also a very rewarding job.

We all have different ways of parenting. One parent's way might be different than another's, but that doesn't make it "the wrong way." There is one thing I feel very strongly about and that's privacy. Children, no matter the age, deserve (age appropriate) privacy. I'm not talking about privacy to do whatever they wish. That would be ridiculous and dangerous, obviously. It's totally natural for teens to want privacy. Perhaps just some alone time in their rooms, a conversation on the telephone, an email to a friend, or maybe just hanging out with a friend after school or on the weekend. We need to keep in mind that these young people are trying to discover themselves. They are developing their own distinct personalities, their own individualities. It's a tough time for teens. They are under a great deal of stress and peer pressure. It's only right that they are given a little privacy to unwind, be themselves, reflect and have a life that they can call their own. That doesn't mean that we let them run rampant and do whatever they please. By all means, DO find out who they are friends with, DO know where they are going, DO get to know the parents of your child's friends, DO keep the lines of communication open. Communication is key!

These days kids of all ages are finding a place for themselves on the internet. This can be a disastrous thing or it can be a positive thing. While we must keep close watch on what our children are doing online, this doesn't mean spying. Having open communication at all times with your child is very important. This can't be started when they are teens. This must be developed from the time of the child's birth! We can't expect communication if we haven't had it all along. We must have parental controls on our computers to protect our children but we mustn't spy on them...unless they give us a reason to, which is another subject altogether.

Many young people keep journals, have private chat conversations online, have their own cell phones and computers and many have Facebook (or other networking) pages. Just because they have these private areas of their lives does not mean we should treat them as though they are "up to no good." Just because one child got into trouble at age 15, doesn't mean your other children will follow suit. In other words, don't punish all your children for the sins of one.

We mustn't alienate our children! We must keep them close to the heart, guide them and protect them but also let them grow into the wonderful human being you hope they become. You can't do that if you spy on them and mistrust everything they do.

The Snakes Crawl In, The Snakes Crawl Out

2010-06-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

After spending about an hour on the computer yesterday afternoon, I decided it was time for a break. As I walked out of the bedroom, I noticed the long black, snake-like tail of something across the floor just in front of the door. For a split second I thought to myself, "Damn toys." I almost reached down, grabbed it and threw it out from the middle of the floor. Then it dawned on me. My grandson has a bright green rubber snake, not a black one! I called out, "Dad, I think we have a snake in the house!" He says, "Really? Where?" I told him and as he came to look, the snake started moving. It slithered across the shelves by the washing machine and then went behind it.

Great. It's not bad enough this snake found a way into the house but now he's under the dang washing machine. I wasn't worried that it was a poisonous snake. I was pretty sure it was just a black rat snake. We've had them before around the yard near the house so we figured he came from under the house. No wonder we haven't heard mice in the wall for quite some time. They are good for that, you know. What the cats don't catch, the snakes do! I wondered, how will we get him out of the house? I texted my son and told him we needed help. Dad tried to chase the snake out, but it wasn't cooperating. My son finally showed up and the two of them tried to persuade that poor snake to come out so C.F. could capture it and put it outside. [We don't kill things like half the other people that live out here in the country. Seems like if it moves rednecks want to kill it, no matter what it is!]

Of course, my grandson was curious and wanted to see what was going on. He came in to watch and pretty soon that snake slithered out from under the washing machine and headed towards D.M.! I wasn't in the room at the time, but S.R. said he wasn't too thrilled about that snake coming toward him so she snatched him up and got him out of the line of fire. Turns out, the snake was just headed towards the hole that he came in from. We plugged up the hole, hopefully keeping snakes and other critters....spiders....from coming in.

Snakes don't really bother me much as long as I know it's there. I wasn't too thrilled about this guy being in the house though, wondering if it would crawl into bed with me some night or slither out from under the couch and scare the daylights out of someone! I didn't want him to get so hungry he would go after the ferret either! Of course, if a snake slithered into the ferret cage and managed to eat the ferret, it would then be too fat to get out of the cage! I'm sure that the ferret would put up one heck of a fight too.

So, the snake slithered in and then it slithered back out. No harm, no foul, and it lived happily ever after.

Microwave Ice Cream.....

2010-06-16T13:37:00.000-05:00

Well, dad has gone and done it again. Seems like he's always doing something (or not doing something) to make us wonder about him!

Dad usually has chocolate ice cream every night at around 9pm. He gets the 5 qt. tub of chocolate ice cream out of the freezer and sticks it in the microwave just for a few seconds to soften it. He scoops out some ice cream, puts the lid on the tub and puts it back in the freezer. He's all set.

Last night, he went through his entire routine except he left out the part where he puts it back in the freezer. Instead, he put it in the microwave. We didn't find it until this morning when Dad went to reheat a cup of coffee!

Oh my!

Update - The Fight Continues

2010-06-12T21:57:00.000-05:00

In a previous post I made a list of 4 things that I am going to work on in order to become healthier. I list those things again, below, but this time with the actions I have taken thus far.

#1. More Exercise - My Dad bought me stationary peddle exerciser. I am using it twice per day for at least 10 minutes at a time. I will increase the amount of time as I become accustomed to it. The first day I used it, I went 10 minutes and I hurt all night long. My enemy (arthritis) was not happy with me. Too bad.

#2. Change My Diet - I have begun eating healthier foods. I am trying to be aware of what I'm eating at meal time. I'm drinking more fruit juices, water & milk. I am eating more fresh fruits and veggies, nuts & whole grain products and cheese. I will not lose my chocolate so I am eating dark chocolate, but not every day!

#3. Use Essential Oils & Herbs - I made myself some Arnica Massage Oil, which I use each night to help ease the pain and relax my muscles. I use epsom salts and a dab of peppermint essential oil in my bath water; but so far I take more showers than baths. I dab a little lavender essential oil on my wrists when I begin to get depressed or anxious. It's very calming. It's really too hot & humid right now to enjoy a cup of Chamomile Tea before bed, but when it cools down I'm on it! Then maybe I will sleep better.

#4. Reduce My Weight - This is the one that will be the hardest of all to accomplish! BUT using the list above, my weight should slowly be reduced. I don't have a scale so that's on my list of things to do.

I am still drinking an 8 oz. bottle of Elations each day, taking MSM, Vit. D & Calcium supplements, drinking 6 oz. of black cherry juice each day. As much as I don't like to do it without a Doctor's guidance, I'm taking 1 Aleve every 12 hours. It's the only thing that will help even a little bit. I am feeling a bit better. The pain is still there, I'm still a bit depressed but it's hard to distinguish between depression from the pain and depression from personal family matters. BUT I'm going to do whatever I can and fight this enemy of mine! Of course, I've yet to finish jumping through all the hoops necessary for Medical but I'm not done fighting yet!

A Random Memory

2010-06-02T22:05:00.000-05:00

When I was living in California there was a commercial made by a local used car salesman. His name was Cal Worthington. His commercials were low budget and a favorite of my daughter's when she was about 4 or 5.

My memory is fading a bit on the lyrics but they were different every time except for the part that repeated at the end "Go see Cal, Go see Cal, Go see Cal." Every commercial, ol' Cal Worthington would have a different animal. The introduction was "Here's Cal Worthington and his dog Spot." Spot would be a bear, a horse, a tiger, a monkey...anything he could get he'd use in his commercials. One time he had a hippo. My daughter thought he was saying "horsey cow" and I didn't know it until a little later that she thought the hippo was a horsey cow!

When I found out about her little misunderstanding we were at the zoo. The hippo was very visible; you could really get a good look at how big this animal really is. To our surprise, my daughter bursts out "Lookie, horsey cow, horsey cow, horsey cow!" At that moment I knew, because she was repeating the words in the same manner as the words in the song.

Kids. Gotta love 'em.

A Few Changes

2010-05-27T16:53:00.000-05:00

As stated in my previous post, I am making some dietary changes. I have tried diets of all kinds before. I've even gone as far as to not call them diets, but a plan to eat healthier instead. I always fail. I think I may have tried to make too many changes too quickly, so a new approach is in order. I'll change a few things at a time, giving myself (body & mind) a chance to become accustomed before moving on to another change. Makes sense right?

For some time now, I have removed sodas from my diet. Occasionally, at a restaurant I might have a root beer but for the most part I've been drinking Iced Tea. I've been using Splenda to sweeten my tea because I've been drinking it sweetened all my life. I've been cutting down the amount slowly so not to drive myself insane. LOL. Of course, I need to add more water to my diet so I'll have a glass of water with every meal, instead of tea.

Since this dietary change is not only for weight-loss purposes but also for pain relief (from arthritis) I am drinking one 8 oz. bottle of Elations per day. Elations contains Glucosamine 1,500 mg and Chondroitin 1,200 mg for bone and joint health. It hasn't helped with my arthritis yet but I'll keep drinking it. What can it hurt, right?

Today, I purchased some All Natural Black Cherry Juice at the local Natural Foods store. Now when I say local, I mean 30 miles away. That's local to us! It's pure cherry juice with no added anything! I've learned that cherries have anti-inflammatory properties and that eating 12 cherries a day can help relieve pain. Ok, so I'm going to drink 6 oz. of cherry juice at least once a day. That would have to be equal to or greater than 12 cherries a day, right?

I think if I continue to make minor changes and give myself a chance to get use to one before making another change, I think I'll be able to do it. I'll have to let you know how it goes.

The Enemy I Must Face

2010-05-26T22:01:00.001-05:00

I have just recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my spine, hips, legs, knees, ankles and feet. If that's not bad enough, it's spreading up my spine and is also invading my shoulders and neck. Along with this painful enemy comes much depression. I am not able to fully enjoy life... Laughter is in my heart but I cannot voice it as I once did. I'm not enjoying my grand babies as much as I should and it breaks my heart. I have a hard time doing all the things I once did so freely. My mobility is limited. I tire easily. I am discouraged, to say the least.

I have yet to find out which form of arthritis it is. When I do, I must create a plan of attack, with the help of my Dr., to reduce my constant pain, slow the progression, and strengthen my bones. Once my pain is reduced, then perhaps the depression will subside and I will start to enjoy my life again.

First though, I am doing as much research as I can. My time must be limited at the computer due to the constant pain. I will be trying many different things to help reduce the pain caused by my terrible enemy.

#1. More Exercise - Even if it kills me, I will try to do more.

#2. Change My Diet - Add more fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains.

#3. Use Essential Oils & Herbs - Massage oils, teas, supplements etc.

#4. Reduce My Weight - To reduce wear and tear on my bones & joints.

I will be blogging my journey through this; information, methods, drugs, herbs, essential oils, supplements...what works and what doesn't...feelings, fears, people who help along the way...

Dad's Chicken

2010-05-19T22:11:00.001-05:00

Two days ago, Dad and I went to Springfield. I had an appointment with an Orthopedic Doctor and Dad went along for moral support. We had a nice lunch at Chili's, although we seem more and more disappointed every time we eat there. Ice tea alone, cost us over $5.00, for just 2 of us! Anyway, I digress.

We were on the way home and had about 30 miles to go. Stopped at a light in a neighboring town (Ava, MO) Dad just happened to glance to his right, off the road. He said to me in a rather surprised voice, "Look, there's a chicken down there!" "Where?" I asked. He said, "Down there," as he pointed in the right direction. Trying to keep my eyes on the traffic light, while stretching to see where he was looking, all I could see was a chunk of metal sticking out of the grass. It looked like an old car jack or something like that. It was reddish brown, obviously rusty from being in the weather.

I told dad, "All I see is a piece of metal sticking up in the grass. No chickens." Dad says, "No, Goddammit! It's right there. It moved! It's looking this way!" I was laughing to myself, knowing that the thing I was looking at couldn't have moved, and I sure didn't see anything else down there! He was getting kind of mad because I was arguing with him. I wasn't trying to argue, just stating a fact. The only thing there was a piece of metal, rusty and old, left behind by someone. (Later, I realized it was a metal water pipe.) I said, "Dad, all I see is that metal thing. No chickens. It's not moving." He says, "Are you sure? I could've swore it moved!"

By the time the light changed (finally!) I had dad convinced there was no chicken. We were laughing now. In his defense - It WAS colored like a chicken; that rusty-red rooster color!

Photo above added: October 4, 2010

The Fault Lies Within?? I Think Not....

2010-05-12T19:39:00.000-05:00

I'm in a position that I do not like, yet there's not much I can do about it. I have been put in a situation that is not mine, yet I am the one who must deal with it. The person responsible for this situation claims "It's not my fault," but clearly that person's eyes are clouded by someone else's vision. I am tired. I am in pain. I have my own problems to deal with, but yet I am not permitted to worry about myself. I have contemplated time and time again, "Is this situation actually my fault?" Perhaps I should have stopped the situation before it started. But how was I to know? I can't possibly know what anyone will do at any time, so how could I have stopped it? I cannot control the influences of other people or their actions. People are responsible for their own actions, are they not? It was not my actions that caused this series of events. The only thing I can do now is to allow consequences to unfold and to concentrate on me for a change. I'm hoping the future comes quickly and then I will finally have my life back.

Mother & Family

2010-05-07T21:22:00.000-05:00

Tonight my family took me out for dinner and some shopping. My family being both of my children, both of my grand children, my "other daughter" and my Dad. It was an early Mother's Day gift as everyone was able to make it and Sunday would have been hectic with the Mother's Day crowd.

We had a nice dinner at Chili's and it was a good night for all. We laughed and chatted and the grand babies were especially good. Doodle Bug had a blast and everyone in the restaurant noticed her too. D.M. didn't get noticed much because he was kind of hid between his mommy and grandpa. Doodle Bug was out in the isle in a high chair. She was laughing and carrying on with her silly faces, howling and sudden outbursts of laughter. She noticed some deflated balloons that were stuck on the ceiling above her. She kept looking up and grinning that big grin of hers. What a kick in the pants! The food and the service was great! We all had a good time.

My family gave me a very nice Mother's day card with C.F.'s normal "congratulations" remark he writes in all cards, and a Walmart gift card stuffed inside. After we finished at Chili's, we went shopping at Walmart. I had both grand babies in the cart and they were having a blast making loud grunts and listening to their voices echo down the isles. It was amusing. Doodle Bug left with her mommy and daddy. Toward the end, D.M. was getting tired of shopping and began grabbing things off the racks. That was our cue to get done and go home.

Nights like these make me realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family. I mean, I know how great they are and I know they love and appreciate me. It's just really nice to have a night out with them without the drama; without all the stuff that on most days compels me to rip my hair out by the roots. It was a night for Mother & Family.

YOU CAN HELP ROSIE

2010-04-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

Please take a few moments to read about Rosie: http://protectrosie.chipin.com/protect-rosie

Rosie is the grand daughter of a very good friend of mine. This family is in need of legal aid & it is essential to Rosie's well-being. No child deserves to be sexually abused. You can help by donating just $1.00 to this fund. Please help us protect Rosie! Tell your friends to pass the word. Every little bit helps!

Please visit http://protectrosie.chipin.com/protect-rosie now.

THANK YOU!

Wish You Were Here....

2010-04-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

I really miss you. I wish you were here. I wonder how long it will be before I see you again. It's lonely here sometimes and I wish I could just talk to you. I wish I could talk to you in person. It would be nice to hear your voice. I can't just pick up the phone and call you. We communicate but it's hard being so far, far away from each other. Some day maybe we will be closer, although we will never be closer at heart than we are now. We've been through a lot together and will surely be through much more. I'm hoping you know that I'll always be here for you, as I know you will always be there for me. After all, we are family and will always be. Sisters forever. To the end. In my heart, always. I wish you were here.

Spinning My Wheels....

2010-04-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels these days. There's too much going on around me. I can't concentrate for very long. When I am home alone, I get a lot done. I don't accomplish much when there are others here. There are too many distractions, too many voices. I cannot get done what needs to be done. I must try to focus and keep on schedule. I must demand that others respect that I am a work at home mom! They must let me work!

I'm Watching Them....

2010-04-08T21:10:00.000-05:00

You've seen them. I've seen them. In fact, I see them every time I go somewhere with my daughter, S.R. They usually make me laugh. You know who I mean. Those men who stare at girl's asses....

I've watched guys practically trip over their own feet, watching my daughter walk by. I've seen some run into other people because they are looking at her rear end. I've seen old men gawk. I've seen middle-aged men stare. I've seen guys in their 20's (same as my daughter) watch in admiration as she walks by. I've seen men with their wives or girlfriends do the same, only to be elbowed in the ribs by their better half. I've even seen young boys, teens and even pre-teens, drooling as she passes by.

I have 'busted' them all by laughing out loud at them in the store, on the street, wherever we may be. They usually look down or away quickly because they were caught! It's actually quite funny, but at the same time disrespectful of women. But boys will be boys, I suppose.

Tuesday, S.R. and I had some errands to run in W. Plains. We had just walked into Walmart, grabbed a cart and went on our way, when I noticed this creepy guy coming in the door. There was just something about him that caught my eye. When he saw my daughter, who happened to be walking away, her back to him, he was staring at her ass like....gosh I can't even explain how he was looking at her. It was just plain creepy. It wasn't funny or even slightly amusing like many times it is. It was just plain creepy. I wanted to punch him in the face.

I started to walk a bit faster so I could be closer to S.R. I didn't like this guy looking at her that way. He sure wasn't letting up. When he finally looked away from S.R., he saw me looking directly at him. I was pissed. It took him quite a few seconds to take his eyes away from mine. I was glaring at him and as he passed me, I was shaking my head slowly from left to right, as if to say "don't you even." Of course, I didn't realize I was doing this until after he was gone. I watched for him throughout the entire store, and even in the parking lot when we were finished. I was very uncomfortable, to say the least, wondering what this guy would do if he had opportunity....the pervert.

I'm watching them. All of them. I hope you'll watch them too. Protect your children, your mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, yourself....and protect your boys too. You just never know about people these days.

Sadness

2010-02-23T21:46:00.000-06:00

Sadness floods my heart tonight as my son and his long-time girlfriend are separating. The sadness is not in the separation so much, but in the fact that my grand daughter will be affected by this. She's in the middle, as all children are when parents separate. The sadness surrounding the separation is more about the years spent together and events lived through. So many years were invested in this relationship and for it to just end like this makes me want to cry. I'm hoping that they will still be friends and do what's best for my grand daughter. She deserves that much and more. The sadness is overwhelming when I think too much so this post is becoming quite unbearable. Tomorrow is another day...perhaps things won't look so bleak.

Just Stop Talking Please....

2010-02-21T12:34:00.000-06:00

I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. One thing after another just appears on my plate. Why can't I get it together? Why can't I handle this? I never have any time alone, except when I sleep, the one time it may be nice to not be alone. I love my family more than life itself but I wish they would all just stop talking to me for at least a day. It's like none of them can have a thought in their head without telling me about it. I just need some peace and quiet, some time to think, to work. Business is suffering because I can't concentrate or stay focused on the task at hand. I keep spinning my wheels and I'm not getting anywhere, financially or personally. If everyone would leave the house just for a day, I could get so much done! They would be amazed! Well, that isn't going to happen any time soon. I wish I could tell them all to "Just stop talking please."

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2010-02-18T22:23:00.000-06:00

Dad turned 73 this month. He was sick on his birthday. We decided to wait until he was feeling better to celebrate. He's been much better for the last couple of days so today, we decided it was time to celebrate! Nothing major, just a nice dinner, cake and a shopping spree.

S.R. is making a chocolate cake; can't be anything but chocolate. Dad doesn't like white cake and yellow cake is out of the question because he says it's like eating cornbread with frosting. Whatever Dad. Chocolate on chocolate. I'm not complaining; that's my favorite anyway. It's just funny how Dad thinks. Cornbread with frosting. Ok. As long as it's chocolate frosting I wouldn't complain!

C.F. is here today doing laundry. He will have dinner with us. A.B. is at the college taking care of something -- when she should be home resting after the car accident. She has a pretty bad concussion. Her mom took her (since A.B. totaled the car and she shouldn't be driving anyway) and Doodle Bug is with them too. I miss her so much!

We decided to go out for dinner, maybe Chili's or Ruby Tuesdays. Dad's birthday, Dad's choice. Dad wanted Chili's, so off we went. Thing is, we live out in the boonies more or less. We have to drive 20-30 miles no matter which town we go to. Dummy me though, I got confused and we ended up going to the wrong town -- a town with NO CHILI'S! Cripes. We ended up having Ruby Tuesdays, which was good but it was an aggravating dinner.

Dad complained from the get-go. The lighting was bad. The booth was too small. The silverware looked dirty. The waiter was a girly-boy, LOL. Dad ordered the Louisiana Fried Shrimp, then complained because he didn't know it was breaded shrimp. How else do you fix fried shrimp? He ordered the house wine because it was the cheapest and then complained because "they could've at least filled the glass to the top." The meal was good, but to hear him talk it was the worst meal he's ever had.

Dad. Gotta love him, but can't take him anywhere.

Lucky Girl

2010-02-15T19:02:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful today that an icy road wasn't the end of the road for my "other daughter."

The roads were beginning to get icy last night, as I took Doodle Bug home. I prayed the snow would stop and that the sun would come out today but no such luck. A.B. was out early this morning, headed to the college for a really big test. She had a friend with her, whom she was taking home after an overnight stay. Evidently there were some really icy spots on the road and A.B. lost control of the car. I don't know all the details and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know because just the thought brings tears to my eyes. The car is totaled and she and her friend escaped with minor injuries but it could have been so much worse. Both are bruised up pretty bad and sore as heck. I'm very thankful they are alive and even more thankful that Doodle Bug was not in the car with them.

The lesson hopefully learned today: No class is worth risking your life to get to.

Sick & Tired, Part 2

2010-02-14T21:50:00.000-06:00

What's with all the snow? I think my toes are going to freeze tonight.

I took care of Doodle Bug today and when I took her home the road was beginning to freeze over. Snow was coming down, and still is. I doubt anyone will be going anywhere tomorrow. Good thing we have supplies to last for a bit.

I'm really sick and tired of this cold, cold winter, although just thinking about the hot, humid summer not too far ahead of us just makes me want to pass out! I use to love the hot summers but that's when I lived in California. The heat was dry, not humid like it is here in SW Missouri. Of course, I was a younger woman back then too!

I really like the Spring. Why can't it be like Spring all year long? Is there anywhere in the world that's like Spring all year long? I'm looking forward to the Spring. I want to take the grand babies to the park and to the zoo. I want to watch them run in their bare feet on the grass. I want to share with them my love of birdwatching. I can barely wait until we can bring out the toddler wading pool so they can splash and laugh and then cry when it's time to come inside. I'll be taking plenty pictures, that's for sure.

I guess I'll just have to be sick and tired of the cold until the Spring decides to pay us a visit.

When Will People Learn?

2010-02-13T16:03:00.004-06:00

My son's best friend, A.S. got busted for possession of marijuana and if that isn't enough, possession of an illegal firearm too. After all the trouble my daughter got into last year, you'd think he would've been smarter. Now he has a couple felony charges hanging over his head and his life will be 'on hold' until he gets everything resolved. He may end up with jail time, drug court or probation and maybe all 3.

When I talked to him, I told him that every choice we make will effect the rest of our lives. One wrong choice can ruin our lives! He says he's done with all this; that he has learned his lesson. I hope so.

It really hurts my heart when the people I care about make such bad mistakes. If they would only listen! I managed to make it through high school without succumbing to peer pressure. I never tried drugs and even now would never try drugs. Why can't people see what drugs can do to a person? Is a high so important that they will risk their health, their lives and even the lives of those around them?

I just don't get it. I probably never will. When will people learn?

Empty Spaces....

2010-02-12T21:31:00.004-06:00

I've been thinking about my son, my "other daughter" and my grand daughter tonight. They have moved out and although they're close, I will still worry about them. They've been living here since last July due to some very unfavorable circumstances. I have enjoyed having Doodle Bug here, no doubt, but I love my son and I feel closer to A.B. now. I've always loved her like a daughter but now that we have shared some maternal moments and lived under the same roof, it's a much closer relationship and I am thankful for it.

My son, C.F., came by and packed up a few things tonight, things they left behind on Wednesday. He seemed in good spirits, perhaps excited about having his own place. It's an exciting time for them. I pray he and A.B. will work together and be the best parents they can be to Doodle Bug. They can do it, I know they can. They're young and inexperienced in this sort of thing but I'm confident they'll figure it out. And I know that they will come to me if need be.

My house is slowly morphing back into the home it was before both of my children moved back home. There are a few empty spaces in my house now, but not for long. S.R. will move into some of those spaces that C.F. and A.B. left behind. With any luck, her stay here won't be any longer than necessary. Don't get me wrong, I love S.R. and I definitely love my grand son, D.M., but it would be nice to have my house and my life back to normal. I want her to have a place of her own. It's just too bad that when she does move out, J. will be part of that equation.
Nothing good can come out of that.But, I don't know anything. I have to step back and let her find out for herself that J. is very bad news. I don't know that's possible though, since he already turned her life upside down, and she still doesn't see it.Perhaps someday she will see it and realize that sometimes I do know what I'm talking about.

A Nice Surprise

2010-01-30T19:51:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago, I was thinking of a woman I was friends with back when I was pregnant with my daughter. This woman was my neighbor, my best friend and someone I could count on at any time. In fact, I did count on her for many things. She was there for me all the times my ex was being a real jackass. She was there for me throughout my pregnancy. She drove me to the doctor all the times my daughter was sick, when I was without a car and living out in the country. She brought me a real Christmas tree on Christmas Eve one year when we couldn't afford one. She watched the baby for me when my ex wouldn't make time, so I could shower. She took my kids to the park one evening when my ex and I were fighting. Gosh, there were so many things she did for me. I hope I was as good a friend to her as she was to me. I hope she knows how much her friendship meant to me.

I had been hoping to reconnect with her after all these years. It's been 15 years or so since I last saw her or heard from her. I spent the better part of a day, searching Facebook and MySpace, Twitter and the Yellow Pages - problem was I knew she had remarried and I didn't know her last name. I tried searching for her boys. They were all small when we knew each other. There were three of them; the oldest was only 7 when we first met, the youngest was about 8 months older than my daughter and the middle child was about 4 or 5. They use to call me Aunt Debbie! I tried to find them. I searched Facebook and MySpace, Twitter and the Yellow Pages looking for them. It was difficult because the names were so common and I really didn't know what they looked like any more. I was discouraged after many hours. Would I ever connect with any of them again?

This morning, I was catching up on some sleep. I've been sick and hadn't been sleeping well. My daughter woke me up and told me I had a phone call.

It was my good friend's oldest son. I was really happy to hear from him! He took the time to look me up! He found me on MySpace. (Thank the heavens for the age of MySpace and other social networking sites on the internet! Thank the heavens for the internet!)

He still called me Aunt Debbie! It was a great conversation. We talked for half an hour or more. He told me about his brothers, his mom and his own children. He's in Iraq right now, working as a medic in the Army. He's been in the Army for 11 years! I pray he comes home safe, to his family and friends. He may come visit me when he comes home. It will be totally awesome to see him again. We have connected on Facebook and MySpace and will definitely keep in touch. He has put me in touch with his brothers and his mother. I can't wait to talk to them all!

I like surprises, nice ones that is, and this was most definitely one of the nicest.

The Loves of My Life

2010-01-29T21:08:00.007-06:00

I know I've told all the people in my life how much they mean to me. I hope they heard me. I'd hate to leave this world without them understanding the love and laughter they have brought to my life. I'd hate for them to leave this world and not know how truly loved and appreciated they are by me.

My Dad, who is also my best friend, taught me many things in my life. He taught me to never be late, to always have a sense of humor and to just be myself. He is very special to me. He's always been there for me and helped me raise my children when their father opted to drop off the radar. He's a good man, a bit on the silly side, but he's MY Daddy and I love him.

S.R., my daughter and my oldest child, is a very complex person. She has a sensitive side but she hides it and she hides it well. I raised her to be strong and make her own decisions. I raised her to be kind and generous. I also raised her not to take any crap from anyone. And she doesn't. I love her unconditionally even though we haven't always seen eye to eye. She has made some bad choices in her life as we all have but that's how we learn. I'm proud to call her my daughter, and I will always love her with every inch of my being.

My son, C.F., is a kick in the pants! He has a strange sense of humor and can be very warped at times. He is my baby and he doesn't like it much when I call him that. After all he's 20 years old. He is very sensitive, like his sister, but rarely shows it. I can see it in him, when others may not. He tries very hard to be a tough guy - he wears his hair long, has tattoos and piercings and people see him as a tough guy. Some of his co-workers are even afraid of him! I know him differently than they do. I raised him to be kind to animals and learn from them. I raised him to treat people with respect, unless of course they don't respect him. I raised him to be strong and independent. I'm proud to be his mom. I love him with all of my heart and soul.

My grand children will always have a special place in my heart -- forever. No question. They light up my days and make me feel young again, although at the end of the day I can really feel my age! They make me laugh, they make me cry and they can really get on my nerves! I love them dearly and wouldn't trade my time with them for anything else in this world.

My younger sisters, who were royal pains in my ass when we were growing up, have become my dearest friends and I couldn't have gotten through the last year without their love and support. They helped me to deal with things that no mother would ever want to have to deal with. They were my shoulder to cry on; although far away. They made me laugh when things were gray. They told me things will get better and they reassured me that I am a good mother, a good friend, sister and person. I cherish my sisters and I hope they know how much I love them.

A.B., who is not my child, but I think of her as my own. I've been calling her my "other daughter" for many years now. I love her and wish for her the very best things in life. I hope she knows that I am here for her when her family stabs her in the back again. She deserves better than that. No matter what the relationship between A.B. and my son, I will always think of her as my "other daughter," and I'm proud to be part of her life.

These are the people who are the closest to my heart. Of course there are those who have passed on, like Mom, Granny, Nana and Papa, Aunt Helen, Cousin John M. and John D. and my great-great grandmother.....all of whom I think about often. There are close friends like Becky, Fawn, Michelle, Charlotte, Terri, Bernadette, Andrew and more; I hope they realize how important they are to me. There are also the people who were my in-laws at one time. I doubt that I will ever have anything good to say about my ex ever again, but his family was my family. I've missed them a lot since we moved away.

So many people, so little time on this earth. I don't think my job is done here.

Sick & Tired

2010-01-28T21:51:00.001-06:00

No, really. I'm sick and I'm tired. I have a bad head cold. I wish I could cut my head off. I thought I was succeeding at fighting it off, but apparently not. Here I sit. Hard to think. My head feels like it's in a fog.

I've got my hot tea, lemon drops, vitamin c, echinacea, tissues and some chicken soup brewing on the stove. I'm hoping tomorrow my throat won't be as hot and scratchy, my head won't be as foggy and I won't be as tired. Maybe I'll get some chores done and take care of some business.

Biting My Tongue.....

2010-01-24T20:50:00.003-06:00

Tick, tick, tick. A.B. sits and texts 24/7 on her cell phone, all the while Doodle Bug is fussing on the floor. She needs some attention. Tick, tick, tick some more. Doodle Bug is getting tired of the same ol' thing all day long. 10 months is not old enough to keep herself occupied all day long. She gets bored. She gets tired. She sometimes just needs some lovin'.

I'm thinkin' "Get off your ass and do something with your child. She needs some attention."

"No. No. No." S.R. constantly repeating to D.M. All the while she sits on her ass watching the tv. D.M. continues to get into whatever it is she's yelling at him for. She gets mad and puts him in timeout. Ok, fine. Time out is great but all the kid needs is some attention. 15 months is not old enough to keep himself occupied all day long. He gets bored. He gets tired. He sometimes just needs some lovin'.

I'm thinkin' "Get off your ass and do something with your child. He needs some attention."

I am finding it more and more difficult to keep my mouth shut as the days go by. It's especially difficult knowing that when I have the grandkids by myself, with no interferance by their parents, I have absolutely NO problems at all.

A Partial Day of Peace & Quiet

2010-01-21T21:00:00.002-06:00

It was nice to have a day out, just me and Dad, even though it was only a simple outing to Walmart and lunch at Ruby Garden. It was quiet. No grand babies crying. No daughter incessantly talking. No "other daughter" pecking out text messages all day long....tick..tick..tick. No son and "other daughter" bickering and pushing each other's buttons. The drive was peaceful and I was listening to my favorite music on the way. We had Chinese food, all you can eat. Can't beat that. It was Senior Citizen day too so Dad got a discount! We took our time shopping, eating and enjoying the peace and quiet that we really miss. We enjoyed adult conversation along with a really screwed up, immature topic of conversation and spent most of the day laughing. My Dad really is my best friend and I couldn't ask for a better Father either!

Letting Go....

2010-01-19T21:42:00.001-06:00

One of the hardest things a person will ever have to do is lose someone they love. When my grandmother passed in 2000 and when my mother passed years earlier, it was the most difficult feeling to stomach. That sick feeling passes after awhile but you just never get over the loss.

It's also very difficult to lose a beloved pet. My daughter's pet ferret, Peanut, passed yesterday. He had been ill and the thought of seeing him suffer was unbearable. There was nothing we could do for him. He was once a vibrant, playful crazy ferret who loved to play and hide toys under the couch. Next thing we knew, he was unable to use his hind legs. Coupled with other symptoms like loss of appetite, weight loss, incontinence and tarry stool, it was looking very grim.

We learned that he most likely had a tumor on his pancreas, causing low blood sugar and all the other symptoms. Surgery was the only thing left for him, but he was probably too weak to survive it. Even if he did survive the surgery, he would have to be on medication the rest of his life. The sad thing is that the rest of his life might have only been 4 months or so. So after hundreds of dollars in tests, surgery and drugs, to have his life be extended by only a few months seemed cruel. Why put him through so much pain and agony?

Making the decision to have him euthanized was difficult. We had to do this, for him. Let him rest in peace, knowing that he was loved and cared for by every single one of us. That sick feeling of loss will go away but we will never forget Peanut. He brought us many laughs and lots of kisses.

Rest In Peace, Peanut. We love you and we will miss you very much.

Do You Remember The Excitement?

2010-01-14T21:53:00.000-06:00

Do you remember your very first apartment? Do you remember how you felt when you first moved out of your parents' home and into your own place? I do. I was so happy! I was excited to be able to start living my life. I was thrilled to have a place to call my own. It was so awesome to be able to clean my house when I wanted to clean it, wash dishes when I felt like it, do laundry on my schedule, etc. I could eat when I wanted, cook when I wanted and shop for the groceries I wanted to buy. I could arrange my furniture in my living room just the way I wanted to. I could decorate according to my tastes. I could do what I wanted, without consulting my mother or have her interfere. She still tried but it was my life now and I was happy to start living it!

That's the feeling I want my daughter to experience. That's how I want my son and his girlfriend to feel. I want that for them. The excitement, the thrill, the freedom.

For months now, I've had both children back home. My daughter and her son, now age 15 months, and my son, his girlfriend and their baby girl, who is now 10 months old...add to that my dad, 4 cats, 2 ferrets and an iguana, all under one roof. This house is very small and I'm not sure I'm going to make it! Don't get me wrong. I love them all dearly. I will always worry about them no matter what.

They really do need a place of their own so they can live their own lives without me always being there to help them, clean up after them, guiding them. I need them to be independent. I need them to be free.

I need my life back! I need to feel excited about cleaning my house again. I need to feel free to do "my own thing" again. Is that selfish? It feels that way sometimes but then other times I feel like "Hey, I deserve to live my life now. I've been busy taking care of them for a long time. I feel like now it's my turn." Is that so wrong?

I Must Be Deaf

2009-06-19T18:10:00.004-05:00

Hot and humid. Air conditioner is on. Washer and dryer are both going. My grandson is banging his toys on the big aluminum bowl I gave him to play with. I'm at the kitchen sink with the water running trying to clean up the mess my daughter made when she cooked dinner. There's a fan blowing the cool air from the front room to the kitchen just so I don't melt while doing dishes. Other family members are doing what they normally do. The tv is on; time for Shepard Smith on Fox News. It's louder than usual so we can hear it over the air conditioning. Household noise. Just can't get away from it especially in a small house.

Dad walks through the kitchen talking, trying to tell me something he just heard on the news. I can't hear him. He repeats what he said, coming back through the kitchen. If he would just stand still and near me I just might be able to hear him. I still can't hear all of what he said. He gets frustrated and says "nevermind." He thinks I have a hearing problem. He talks softly. Sometimes he's moving from one room to another while talking. This has happened so many times before. I have tried to get through to him that I can't hear him through the running water, washer, dryer, tv, fan, air conditioning, etc.

I guess I must be deaf.

Where's Criss Angel When You Need Him?

2009-06-17T14:37:00.006-05:00

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was in dire need of a vacation. I just needed to get away. In fact, I wanted to just disappear. I'm really feeling this in reality so I can understand why those feelings came out in a dream.

The funny thing about the dream is that Criss Angel was there. (If you don't know who Criss Angel is then you need to look him up.... He's the ultimate illusionist!) Anyway, I wanted so much to disappear and Criss Angel was happy to oblige. He directed me to a very large, refrigerator-sized cardboard box. He helped me climb inside and closed the box. I heard some mumbo-jumbo and then it was completely silent. It felt as though I was floating. I felt no fear, no pain, no aggravation, no anxiety whatsoever. I was at peace. I was happy and calm. I had no worries.

Then I woke up. Those warm, calm feelings were gone. It was time to get up and face another day filled with stress and worry.

Now when I'm feeling like I want to just disappear, I ask myself (and sometimes aloud) "Where's Criss Angel when you need him?"

Finding The Words.....

2009-06-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

This post is a long time coming. It's been months since I was able to find the words to describe the feelings of hurt, dissapointment, fear, anger and frustration that I have been feeling.

S.R. made some bad choices and is paying the price. She has learned the hard way that making the absolute wrong choice will lead to not only personal consequence but also to more stress and more financial worries. I hope this is the beginning of the end of her problems and not the beginning of more. This I say because she has not realized what I had been hoping she would realize. She is still in love with J. and will stand by him no matter what. He will be in prison until next month and when he is released, S.R. will go with him and take my beautiful grandson with them.

For right now, S.R. and my grandson D.M. are staying with me. I am loving every second of it, even through the constant messes and disasters S.R. leaves everywhere she goes! Yes, it's her who makes the messes, not the baby! D.M. is 7 months old now and he is the most beautiful child! He has the brightest, happiest smile and the bluest dark blue eyes! I feel the tears coming as I type because I know soon I won't see him when I awake in the mornings. He won't be there to brighten my day. I won't be able to make him smile or giggle or kick his little Fred Flintsone feet in absolute joy! I won't see many of his firsts.....

On the bright side, I have witnessed many of D.M.'s firsts! The first time he started walking in his walker, his first visit to a pet store, his first day at the park, his first jar of baby food are just a few. I bought him his first swimming pool which he loves sitting in on a hot day and splashing himself. His first sippy cup.....which he's still trying to master!

I feel so blessed to have him in my life but why must he go away? It's just life I guess. Children grow up and have children of their own. They move away. It happens every day. That doesn't make it any easier. I will have my memories and I will pray that not too much time passes between visits.

The Thing About Cats......

2009-01-12T13:36:00.000-06:00

Don't get me wrong, I love cats. They are my favorite animal and I have 4 of them. I love them all dearly. They all have their own little personalities and they have their own little quirks...these things make them unique and special in my eyes. I love my little furbabies and would miss them dearly if something were to happen to one of them.

Smokie is the handicapped spayed female. She was hit by a car (or kicked by a cow, not sure exactly) and she has very limited eye sight. She is not allowed to go outside without supervision. Kitty (also spayed female) is the baby of the house. She's almost 2 years old now. She's psychotic, has red eyes and can turn on you in a split second. She is not to be trusted! On the other hand, she's scared of everything that moves and the outdoors. She stays inside and doesn't ever want to go out. Fine by me. One less cat to let in and out.

Fuzz and Korn are the males (neutered, shh don't tell them!) and they usually go outside at night, which I don't especially like but they are very wise and have a keen sense of danger. They come in the house in the morning and sleep all day until 5pm, which is their dinner time and they always seem to know the exact time!

Last night, for some reason Fuzz and Korn both stayed inside. Maybe it was just too cold for them at 25 degrees or so. It's not like they haven't been out in the cold before but maybe they're just getting too old for it. Who knows.

The thing is I woke up this morning with Fuzz looking at me as if he wanted to go outside. I figure he probably does have to go out for a potty break. I ease my way out of bed and he's waiting for me in the middle of the living room when I get there. I go to the door and open it, calling for him to go outside. He sits there and stares at me and then the door. I call him a few more times and then I just give it up. I figure he's got something else on his mind. By the time I get to the spot where he sat watching me, he makes a mad dash for the door like he wants out! I was very aggrivated at this point but I went back to the door and opened it. Again, he just sat there and looked at the door. What the heck? I tell him to "just go outside you little furbrained terd. Stop F***ing with me!" He is finally outside and I'm relieved to have ended this game of his as quickly as I did. Sometimes these games go on all night long! In and out, in and out. One comes in the other wants out....all night long. It drives me insane.

I know, it's my own fault for putting up with it. Dad tells me to throw their asses out whether they like it or not. Well, I understand that's what I should do but they are my furbabies. I can't just throw them outside as if I don't care that it's cold out or that there may be a coyote lurking about near the yard. I love them dearly.

And the thing about cats is that they love me unconditionally and their only demands are to be fed and let in and out and in and out and in and out....... What would I do without them? (I would probably be just as crazy so what the heck?)

Memories & Getting Old

2008-12-04T13:15:00.000-06:00

Last night, my father and I had a conversation about the longevity of many of our ancestors on his side of the family. A great, great aunt had lived to be 110 years old and to this day, credit is given to the natural spring that fed her property. My great, great grandmother lived to be in her 90's and had never smoked, drank or swore a day in her life, so she said. Of course, she believed she got pregnant from kissing a boy and that you could get pregnant from swimming in a public pool too.

During the conversation, we were trying to remember what year my grandmother and grandfather died. I can't remember the years exactly, but I can remember the skirt I wore to my grandmother's funeral and that it was around the time I graduated from high school. I remember that I was pregnant with S.R. at my grandfather's funeral, which was 1987. I can remember going to see my great grandmother in a nursing home the same year and that I wanted her to see S.R. when she was born. But Gramma never made it. She passed away without ever meeting her great, great grandbaby.

Our conversation made twists and turns, as most random conversations do. We ended up talking about how awesome it would be to live to be in our 100's because we could tell some really tall tales! Everyone would be interested, except of course our great grandchildren, who would have better things to do. No one would dispute our stories because they weren't around back then! Many of them would just say we were a french fry short of a happy meal.

Then something occurred to me.

If I live to be in my 100's, would I even remember anything about my life? Would I remember enough to tell any kind of story at all? I'm 46 years old now, and I have a hard time remembering what we had for dinner last night! Odd how I can remember the skirt I wore to a funeral over 20 years ago but can't even remember I have a load of clothes in the washer!

It has suddenly become very scary to grow old. I can't imagine not having my memories. What about the memories of my children as they grew up, the good times, bad times and the memories of family and friends? What about the memories I will have of my grandson D.M.? My memories are sacred to me. What happens when I'm dead and gone? My memories will be gone too.

It's clear to me that I must write everything down! I have to put all of my memories into written form so that my children and grandchildren have something to remember me by! I wish I would have kept up my childhood diary! Just think of the memories that would be in those!

So now, I have yet another thing on my To Do List. So many things left to do and not enough time to do them!

My Little Bull Frog

2008-11-26T19:24:00.000-06:00

My little Bull Frog was born on October 23. He is exactly 1 month, 3 days, 3 hours and 52 minutes old. He's the first born of my first born and the apple of my eye.

It's hard work being a Gramma but I love it! I can barely wait until my little Bull Frog laughs at my silly faces, made-up songs and the strange Gramma kisses that he will eventually hate! It's wonderful seeing this little human being change and grow as the days go by.

I hope to be here for a very long time because I sure don't want to miss a thing!

Is It Just Me????

2008-10-10T15:21:00.002-05:00

Each and every time I have to deal with so-called "professionals" I know I'm going to get pissed about something. It never fails. No one ever does anything right the first time. No one ever does what they say they are going to do. They never do what is expected of them. And they are referred to as professionals?? Not by me.

No one is perfect I know. "Stuff" happens. But "stuff" shouldn't happen every time -- should it?

My dad goes to the doctor for his yearly check-up. He gets a complete blood work up, and the doctor says "Someone will call you with the results." He goes home and a week passes. No word. He waits a few more days, still nothing. He calls the doctor's office and the nurse right away says "Everything was fine." My dad asks "What is my cholesterol?" The nurse says, "It was good." Dad asked her, "What were the numbers?" He's ready with pen and paper. She says, "I don't have the file in front of me." Obviously, she didn't have the file in front of her. So, how does she know it's good then, right? What a joke. Dad, shortly thereafter, found a new doctor.

I took my son to see the surgeon about his hand. They gave him a work release - so he could go back to work, duh. The release form didn't SPELL OUT that he could go back to work. It listed only a limitation of lifting 10 lbs. or less. His employer is being picky because it doesn't say specifically that he can go back to work. So I call the surgeon's office. I have to tell 3 different people the same stinkin' story before finally the nurse looks up my son's file and says, "We'll fax a new one over." I gave her the number. I wonder if this is even going to be done or if I will have to go there in person to pick it up myself?

I ended up calling a second time, asking if they had faxed the new work release. Nope. Message not received. Guess what? I ended up going all the way to Springfield, to the surgeon's office to get the dang thing myself! Never would have guessed it huh?

10 Spiders.....

2008-10-08T16:54:00.000-05:00

The spiders are coming in the house from every nook and cranny they can find! They must not like the rain! It makes sense. When it rains I come inside too.

I don't like to kill things but I take exception to flys, fleas, ticks and SPIDERS. Actually, if the spiders stay outside where they belong then I leave them alone. If they come inside MY domain, they are taking their lives into their own hands....feet, legs, whatever.

Last night, every time I turned around there was a stinkin' spider! I don't know what kind they were. We call them "chipmunk spiders" only because of the brown stripes they have on their backs that reminds of us of the stripes and coloring of a chipmink. Silly huh?

It started in the morning. Before I could even shower I had to rid the bathtub of, not one but 2 chipmink spiders. Later in the day, there was one crawling up my bedroom door and I know what he was doing! He was going to hide in my room, that's what he was going to do! S.R. sucked one up in the vacuum tube when she was cleaning her room. Dad was getting ready for bed last night around 10 pm and he found one in the bathroom sink. Then, 4 of those creepy little things, one right after the other, in the living room! Then, right before I went to bed I was spooked by one scampering across the kitchen floor. He must've seen what I had done to his other 8-legged friends. Didn't do much good to run away. Did he really think I was going to go to bed with him still running around in MY domain?

I was afraid to go to bed - were there more of those chipmunk spiders in my house? In my room? I couldn't sleep for a little while - kept thinking there was something crawling on me. When I finally did fall asleep, I dreamed about Sebastian Bach making fun of Angelina Jolie. He had fake teeth in his mouth and he was doing this thing with his lips. He looked just like her, only with blond hair! Now, why on Earth would I dream something so silly? Beats spiders though. I'm not gonna bitch.

Is It Just Me?

2008-10-06T21:40:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who thinks that keeping a coffee can (previously used as a pee can) under the kitchen sink to collect used cooking oil is disgusting and unsanitary, even if the oil is going to be thrown out?

Am I the only one who thinks that the kitchen sink should be scoured and disinfected after the toilet plunger was used in it?

Am I living with morons or rednecks? What is wrong with these people?

For anyone interested in why the coffee can was used as a pee can: My 72 year old father had a hernia operation and could barely move for a couple days......

Loss of Self Identity

2008-09-27T16:07:00.000-05:00

Many years ago, when I was unfortunate enough to get involved with my children's father, my mother kept telling me "Don't lose your own identity." Of course, being young and naive PLUS not wanting to admit my mother just might know what she was talking about, I just ignored the comment. I didn't even know what the heck she meant by that until later in my life.

I always tried to instill in my children to think for themselves, to be self-sufficient and to stand up for what they believe in. I taught them that what they have to say is important. I taught them to respect others for their thoughts and what they believe. I taught them to be responsible for their own actions. I thought I did a pretty good job until recently.

My daughter, S.R., who is 8 months pregnant with J.'s 5th child - yes, I said 5th - always maintained that she doesn't want or need anyone to take care of her. She was adamant that she can take care of herself! When I have suggested in the past that she try to get on some kind of aid, she refused because she didn't want to make things more difficult for J..... (Awww, poor baby. He has 4 little girls with another woman [his wife] that he has to take care of. Waaaaa! Waaaaa! Someone call a Waaaaa-mbulance!) She maintains that she can take care of herself. Well, that IS the way I raised her.

This morning her tune changed. She made a comment about 'when she quits work soon' to have the baby, due Oct. 29. I told her that if I were in her position, I would apply for cash aid and food stamps so she can sustain herself until she gets back to work. She quickly said to me, "NO. That's what J. is for!" I said to her, "You cannot depend on him or anyone else to take care of you and that baby. You need to look out for yourself." She immediately clammed up and never said another word. I was in such shock that I just left the room for fear I would say something to make matters worse.

Yes, he should step up and take care of her and that baby. He should be coming by to spend time with S.R., but is he? NO. He hasn't bought anything for that baby. Hell, I'll bet my last dollar that he hasn't even been looking for a job! The last S.R. saw him was when he and his buddies hauled the camper off after the storm! She believes everything he says. She believes that he is out looking for a job. She believes he is going to find them a place to live. She believes that he is going to be there for her. He should be, but that doesn't mean he will be! And he sure hasn't shown that he is trying.

I sit here now, wondering what the heck happened? She went from a strong willed, opinionated and an independent thinker, to this naive little follower. I don't know what happened. I'm afraid she is losing her own identity, like I did so many years ago. Take it from me, once lost, it's a long journey to find your way back to you.

El Diablo or Just A Little Jealous?

2008-09-21T20:51:00.002-05:00

Last night I was watching a little late-night tv when one of our cats decided to jump up on my lap. Korn (yes, that's his name!) rarely gets on anyone's lap - he's just a 'good ol' boy' and if you're from 'round these parts' (SW Missouri) then you'll know what that means. I think. He just doesn't give a rat's you-know-what about much of anything.... except well, maybe chow time.

Anyway, Korn is on my lap gettin' some lovin' and here comes Kitty! Kitty has been a part of our family now for a little over a year. She's an evil cat. (Her eyes actually glow red!) She's lovable ONLY when she's in a sound, sound sleep. (What were we thinking?!) She's on the arm of the chair, looking at Korn, then looking at the vacant space on my lap, then looking back at Korn again. I could tell she wanted on my lap as well. So I motioned her to join us....patted the vacant spot on my lap as an invitation....she got the message. She jumps up on my lap and lays beside Korn. Immediately, she starts making this deep, guttural sounding growl and when I told her "No" and to "Hush" she hissed at me! She was showing her true colors that's for sure! She never stopped growling and hissing until Korn got off of my lap and moved to the arm of the chair! But even though Korn had moved, every time I tried to pet her, she growled some more! Finally, before she could kill me or do bodily damage, I made her leave! Can a cat really get that jealous over another cat or is she truly "El Diablo's Sister?"

Conflicted....

2008-09-20T20:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here tonight, thinking about an old friend who contacted me this afternoon. A friend whom I have been hurt by before.....

She and I always had a lot in common BUT yet we are so different. Different is good, right?

It would be nice to reconnect; have a friend nearby to confide in, share my thoughts with, laugh with, cry with, get pissed off with. But I just don't know if we can be friends again. It can never be like it was before. Or can it? I just don't know if I can trust her.....

I don't like to play games in any kind of relationship. If I say or do something to hurt someone's feelings or make them mad, I expect them to be honest and tell me about it. I do not appreciate mind games, because when I realize what is going on, I lash out. I confront. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. When she denies, denies, denies......I sever all ties.

How many chances should one give a friendship? This will the third time for this friend and I. I have a weary heart and I don't know if I have it in me to do it all over again.

They're Baaaack!

2008-09-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

The rednecks came to get that camper tonight. I was actually shocked to see them. I figured that POS would be in our yard until we got rid of it!

First, they pulled up in a junky LOUD pick-up truck and naturally, drove through the yard again. I know they would have had to anyway, in order to hitch the camper to the truck BUT they could have at least asked first. Especially since they just got their butts chewed out a few days ago.

I sent my daughter out there to gather up my dishes and silverware that she took out there weeks ago. She came back in with a plate, 2 bowls, a pitcher and a fork and knife that were so nasty dirty that they were stuck together! No lie! One of the bowls was covered with mold and it made me sick. My pitcher had some kind of dried, smelly drink residue in the bottom. It was disgusting. I felt like just throwing it all in the garbage! Instead, I bitched about it A LOT and cleaned everything with vinegar, Dawn dishwashing liquid, and then again with vinegar and a soapy, tea tree oil spray I made myself. Then after a good scalding hot rinse I was satisfied it was clean. Maybe. LOL.

What's sad here is the fact that my child didn't think anything of it! I don't know why she thinks this type of thing is acceptable or "normal." As a small child she picked up everything that wasn't in it's proper place and put them back where they belonged! She always wanted to wash the tables off at fast food restaurants! She freaked out if there was food under the table. If there was trash laying about at the park, she would clean up before she went to play! What the heck happened?

About the moldy dish she says, "It wasn't like that until after the storm, Mom." Yeah, like the storm made the bowl moldy and the silverware stick together? Give me a break.

When the rednecks finally got the camper all folded back down (as best they could) they hitched it to the pick-up truck and drove off. It was funny because I could visualize things falling out of the camper on their trek down the road!

I could kick myself hard for not taking a picture! It truly was a sight.

Finally......

2008-09-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

The phone rang this morning and woke me up. I didn't sleep well last night so I was a bit annoyed. Turned out to be the Drs. office with an appointment for C.F. to see an orthopedic surgeon. Honestly, I never expected to hear back from them which is why I made an appointment with another Dr. to get a referral. I figured it would probably be quicker. Now I have to cancel it. But that's ok because he now has the appointment he has needed since the 5th of this month. He'll finally get the medical attention I've been trying to get for him for the last 11 days. Problem is the appointment isn't until the 22nd!

Rude Rednecks

2008-09-15T21:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was minding my own business, watching my soaps that I had taped during the day, (I tape them so I can watch in PEACE) when there was a knock at the door.

It was J., S.R.'s boyfriend. S.R. had already gone to bed. I thought she was still awake so I went and told her he was here. She went outside with him and I didn't know what was going on, so being concerned about my daughter I went outside. My son, C.F. and his friend A.S. were already outside.

Apparently, J. came with a friend of his to clean out the camper (haha, that was destroyed by the storm the previous night) so they were out there salvaging his stuff. OK, fine.

The thing is, S.R. told him about it early that day when she realized the camper had been damaged. He should have come during the day, not at night. It was almost 11 pm. My dad had already gone to bed and they were outside making all kinds of noise. Slamming and banging. Dropping and pounding. It was very rude of them to even show up this late. Rednecks. They haven't got a clue.

The day before yesterday, they showed up during the day to drop some of J.'s stuff off at the camper BUT the losers decided to just drive through the yard, through the garden area and all the way around the back...without even asking if it was ok. Granted, we live out in the country but we like our yard to look half way decent.

S.R. says "Mom normal people don't think about things like that."

I said, "NO! Rednecks don't think about things like that. Normal people don't drive through other people's yards!" Needless to say, she was pissed at me, yet again!

I should have expected that they would show up late and make all that racket. I sure as hell can't expect common decency! I sure hope S.R. comes to her senses soon before I go completely gray and end up in a nuthouse.

Storm vs. Camper

2008-09-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Compliments of Ike.....

I awoke this morning to see that the camper that belongs to the loser boyfriend lost it's battle against the storm last night. High winds took that puppy out!

Needless to say, it put a smile on my face.

The Fractured Hand

2008-09-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

I was on my computer last Friday afternoon, trying to get some work done. I was a day behind due to the fact that I had to take my daughter to her Drs. appointment on Thursday. Both of the kids (adult kids, that is) were home that day. My son was suppose to work that evening so he was killing some time. I think he watched a movie and played some video games. You know, typical young male activities.

I heard a commotion in the living room and I was due for a break anyway, so I decided to go see what all the ruckus was about. My son was laughing his ass off! My daughter was laughing a little bit.

I asked, "What's going on?"

C.F. says to me calmly, "You don't want to know."

I asked, "What did you do?"

He replies, "You don't want to know."

I asked, "Did you hurt yourself?" (Remembering the dirt bike incident here and how scared I was that something may have happened to him.)

He held his right hand up and there it was. He broke his freakin hand. Immediately my hands went up to my face in shock.... fear.... worry.... well, I don't know what it was.

I said, "I have to take you to the hospital."

He agrees, "YES, you do!" All the while laughing like a nutcase.

Apparently, he knocked down a little shelf in his room. This shelf holds a few of his model cars that he worked so hard on. The shelf fell, and everything on it hit the floor. C.F. was mad that this happened and then he punched the wall! He has punched the wall before and left a hole. No injury to himself, thank goodness. This time, there were 2 little knuckle marks on the wall but no hole. He hit the stud this time. I think he may have learned a lesson.

I took him to the ER at the hospital I thought was the best choice. It was closest for one thing, but I didn't like the other choice. The hospital I chose was in Arkansas, not too far from where we live in Missouri. Now my son has Missouri Medicaid and I always assumed this hospital accepted Medicaid. Turns out the hospital itself DOES accept Medicaid but the Drs. do not accept Missouri Medicaid, specifically.

Great. Now C.F. will get a bill from every freakin Dr. that even looked at him cross-eyed that day.

Well, a lot of good it did for me to take him to the emergency room. They looked him over, x-rayed and splinted his hand, wrapped it up and put it in a sling. They gave him a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon and a script for vicoden and sent us on our way.

This being Friday, I couldn't contact the surgeon until Monday morning.

On Monday morning I called the surgeon's office.

"Hello. Dr. Moore's office. Can I help you?" She sounded very nice."

"Yes," I said. "Does Dr. Moore accept Missouri Medicaid?"

She said, "No, I'm sorry he doesn't."

I explained the situation to her. I asked if I needed a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon.

She said, "Oh, No Ma'am. The only reason Dr. Moore was referred is because he was the surgeon on call that night."

When I got off the phone, I got to thinking. If he was on call that night then why didn't they call him to look at C.F.'s hand? It would have saved us a lot of grief.

I called a few other surgeons in Missouri -- I was told I needed a referral BUT they didn't have any openings at all for a couple weeks. One said none until next month. So, I figured I'd take C.F. to a different Dr. and get a new referral. I thought that having the Dr. make the calls we would get an appointment much sooner.

Boy! Was I wrong! It has been 6 days since C.F. fractured his hand and we are still waiting for an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon! It's a good thing he's not in a lot of pain! I don't know what to do at this point. I have been calling the Dr's. office, consistently since Tuesday morning trying to light a fire under them. They say they're still working on it. What do I have to do to get my child medical attention? Since it has been this long, the bone has probably started to heal which means it will have to be rebroken in order to set it correctly.

I understand the surgeons are probably booked up but don't they leave emergency spots open for emergencies?? Of course, this is hardly an emergency but he does need medical attention!

C.F. can't do anything. He is bored to death. He can't go to work. He can't play his guitar, which is his life, he can't play video games or even use the computer comfortably.

After all is said and done....if it ever gets done that is.........I think he may have learned a lesson.

Loser Boyfriend Syndrome

2008-09-12T20:11:00.002-05:00

Yeah. Loser Boyfriend Syndrome. Been there, done that. Many women have experienced this. Many will experience it sometime in their future. I think if you never experience this then you are one of the luckiest women on the face of this planet!

My experience with this syndrome started back when I was 20 years old. At the time I had no idea my boyfriend would be the biggest loser that ever lived. I see my daughter making the same stupid mistake that I made all those years ago. You see, she has a loser boyfriend.

He's almost 10 years older than she is. She's 21. He's 30.

He's married and has been for quite some time, to the same woman.

He has kids. 4 kids to be exact. All girls. All with the same woman.

The wife kicked him out. They were supposedly having problems anyway but who knows..... He had no place to live. My daughter wanted him to stay with us. No freakin way! We gave him a place on our property to put his old camper so he would have a place to stay. He's never there. He's always kissing his wife's ass.

He was in jail for drug possession. He faces other criminal charges such as possession (again) and theft of a lap top from Walmart. Let's not forget domestic violence, which has been debunked as just the wife wanting to screw with him. Supposedly.

He is a drug addict. (Recovering, supposedly.)

He had a job but purposely got fired so he could get unemployment. (Although months later, he still hadn't applied for unemployment!)

He has no vehicle. A motorcycle he borrowed from his brother is his only trasportation at the moment, which he has wrecked on more times than I can remember.

He knocked up my daughter. I know she had some say in this too. That doesn't excuse the fact that he should've been a bit more in control considering he has 4 other children to support. He is still unemployed even though my daughter's baby is due Oct. 29. He's looking for them a place to live. Yeah right. How can he find a place to live without a job? Oh he's working on it I'm told. Sure.

He bought a motorcycle from some lady. He's suppose to take over payments. How is he to do that if he doesn't have a job?

He borrows his wife's car so he can go to his court dates and so he can hang out with his friends, come over and see my daughter -- once in awhile. Sometimes he even takes her with him! Woo Hoo! Then the very next day, when my daughter has a Dr. appt. he conveniently can't get the car from his wife. Very convenient. That's ok because mom (ME) will take her.

He's always spending time with his kids......which is fantastic YES. He should be spending time with his children. But those kids are always with their mother, his wife. Is he only spending time with the kids? I think not.

He hasn't been 'living' in his camper for several weeks. Where is he staying? My daughter says he's "spending time with his kids" but I can read between the lines. He's staying with his wife.

When he has been around here, my daughter fixes him food and takes it out to the camper to him. He won't come in the house and be social at all or show any appreciation that we have given him a place to stay! I wish they would just put his ass in jail, where he belongs. The longer, the better. Maybe that way my daughter will forget about his sorry ass and move on. If he doesn't go to jail, he will end up going back to his wife because and MARK MY WORDS he will go back to her because it will be easier to pay child support on one child rather than 4!

Being A Grandmother

2008-09-04T20:51:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I'm ready to be a Grandmother. I'm only 46. Shouldn't I be older? I think I will be Aunt Debbie instead. I've been Aunt Debbie for a very long time. It just seems natural.

I think I'm a good aunt. My nieces and nephews all think I am! In fact, they think I walk on water! Will I be a good Grandmother? I don't know. I think I will be a better Grandmother when my daughter finally decides to move out!

My daughter and I butt heads too much the way things are right now. Two adult females in the same house just doesn't work well many times. This is one of those times. I'm afraid that the longer she stays here, the further apart we'll become. I don't want that. I want us to always be close.

I think I've been a good mother.

I know I've been a good aunt.

I want to be a good grandmother.

Kill Me Now.....

2008-08-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

Well I now know how those parents feel who's children are missing.

My dear son, C.F., decided to take off on his dirt bike today. He didn't tell anyone where he was going or how long he would be gone. It has been the understanding that since the bike is new and not yet registered, insured nor does he have a permit to drive it, that he was to drive it only on our property to practice. I told him when he gets a permit, insurance and registration then he could drive it to work.

Today he was scheduled to work at 3:30 pm and it was creeping up on 3 o'clock. We were wondering where he was because he likes to go to work early so he can eat first. (He works in a restaurant.) He was nowhere to be found. I was worried. Dad and I searched the property, not only with the car but on foot in order to cover some ground nonaccessible with the car. The longer I was calling for him, searching high and low, the more scared I became. I was in a panic. I was crying, shaking and thinking the worst. I was having trouble catching my breath. I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

I know that C.F. is not a child. He's 18. Legally an adult. BUT he's immature for his age, in my opinion, and he very easily does the "wrong thing." I've tried. Goddess knows I have tried. He is his own person and he just doesn't give a crap what the 'rules' are. There is no difference to him who puts those rules in place; me or the government. In his mind, the rules are stupid. He is so much like his father I want to slap him silly. I say silly because it seems to me (by his actions)that he is already stupid.

After looking frantically for 45 minutes, I came in the house in a state of panic that I cannot describe. I asked my daughter, S.R., to call up at work and see if her brother was there. I was still shaking and having a hard time breathing. When she got off the phone she said he was there. I was so glad that he was ok but at the same time he is the luckiest person to be walking on this Earth at this very moment because I swear, if he were right in front of me his ass would be hurting. I am so angry with him right now. And he has the nerve to tell me that he's more considerate than his sister!

Finally, after I settled down a bit, S.R. came in and told me that she was going to go up to Rockbridge with J., her boyfriend, for a bit. I asked her if she was going on his motorcycle and she replied, "No, I'm going to walk." This was a sarcastic answer, of course. She was going to go on that freakin' motorcycle! I couldn't believe it. We have gone round and round about this for months. I thought we were finally on the same page. The baby should come first, period. Isn't she thinking about that baby? I don't care if J. drives safely or not. I know he doesn't because he has had accidents in past few months. If S.R. had been with him, she could be dead....and that precious baby too. What is going on with her? Doesn't she care? Is she so hung up on this creep that she will risk her unborn child? I just don't get it. I was so upset. I still am, but frankly I am sick and tired of being in tears from worry about my kids. I wish they would just move out, get on with their lives and leave me out of their BS. (If I don't know, it won't hurt me!) I will still worry but it's about time they both grow up and be responsible for their own lives and deal with their own mistakes without me being there to help them. Sick and tired, I tell you.